One of the artists I was on the waiting list for has been forced to cancel my commission.
It’s a little upsetting, but I completely understand their position.
I have been on the list for over half a year now, and their list isn’t getting any smaller between their free time, official work and commissions.
It’s sad because I was looking forward to it, but also, the concept I had set aside for them to work on has now been freed up for someone else to work on without me having to wait and hope.
I thought things were going well but it turns out I’m rather struggling to adapt to working.
My mindset of trying to avoid problems and getting in peoples way is causing me to get experience slowly.
And due to my lack of experience and trying to avoid getting in the way, they’re perceiving me as slacking off.
I can see why it would appear that way, because I am trying to hide away from everyone else, but the reasoning is backwards.
I’m not hiding to slack off, I’m slacking off because I can’t find things to do without getting in the way.
And the one task they did deliberately assign me I apparently took too long doing, and I’m still not entirely sure how I could have done it faster.
I have six months of placement time guaranteed but I definitely think I will be going back to job hunting after this, and as it stands my anxiety for working has only increased.
