Interlude: Happiness is… ※Ciel POV

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Author: Himezaki Shiu Original Source: Syosetu
Translator: PunishedLyly English Source: Re:Library
Editor(s): Fire

Getting back on track, we headed out for breakfast.
After greeting Fii and thanking her for yesterday, she replied saying something about it having its perks and stuff.
I don’t intend to press for an answer but I can’t help being envious.

What did Ain talk about yesterday?
I’m pretty sure it could be about her worries or so, but will Ain ever tell me about it in the future?
It’s not something I should press answers for, but I’d be forgiven to feel that it’s a bit unfair, right?

I feel envious, but this sort of exchange is fun.
Besides, while I have no idea how Ain was last night, I know many parts of Ain that Fii doesn’t know. So while I do feel envious, I don’t feel that envious.

While having breakfast, Fii asked about our plans for today and it seems like Ain has something to tell me, so it’s decided that I’ll be hearing Ain out in our room.
Her voice sounded somewhat nervous, so I wonder what Ain wants to tell me?

『Ciel, you know where I was during the past three days, right?』

Returning to our room, I sat on the bed. As I waited for Ain to speak, Ain asked me so.

「Fii said that Ain was probably in the divine realm.」
『That’s correct. I was summoned by the Creator God to the divine realm.』
「The divine realm, what kind of place was it?」
『It was a pretty place. I suppose I’d say that it’s similar to the garden here.
But there were a lot of flowers that I’ve never seen before and the sunlight there was very gentle.
There, I had a seat with the Creator God and we talked about things. She was a really beautiful person…… Or I guess god?』

It seems like it was a very pretty place.
It would be nice if I could go there with Ain someday……
I’m sure that the tea they had is something I don’t know too.

……!?

There I realized one very important thing.
And to make sure I’m not mistaken, I confirmed it with Ain.

「What did you say just now?」
『Which do you mean by that?』
「You said you had a seat with the Creator God, right Ain?」
『That’s right. I sat on a beautiful chair while we conversed.』

If she had sat down on a chair, then it should be practically confirmed.
Ain was able to sit down on a chair.

「You said sat, right? In other words, Ain has a body in the divine realm? Is that the case?」
『Umm, rather than having a body, I think that it was just my soul taking human shape.』
「Then that means that this shape would be how Ain would look like if you had a human body?」
『That would be the case.』

That’s very interesting. Very, very interesting.
I’ve always been thinking if there could be some way to make a body for Ain but what she should look like was an issue.
I need to get as much information here as possible.

「So then what did you look like Ain? What did you!」
『I had an appearance similar to you, Ciel. Since I’m using your body, it seems like my soul was influenced by it.
But the color palette I had was the same from when I was still alive. My hair and eyes were black, my skin was…… light orange, I think?』

Black eyes and hair. And a slightly darker skin colour.
It’s a combination I haven’t seen much up until now, but I’m sure that it’ll suit Ain.

「That’s so nice, so nice, I want to see it too!
Is there any way I can see how Ain looks like too?」
『I see….. What I want to talk about is somewhat related to that as well, so why don’t we get to the main topic.』

That’s right. This wasn’t actually our main topic.
For now, I’ll settle down and hear what Ain wants to say.

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I listened with that in mind, but the first thing Ain talked about was why and how she ended up by my side.
It’s annoying how that man is constantly related to what’s happened to us in the past, but I learned how amazing Ain is, so I’m satisfied.
After listening for a while, Ain paused for a moment before talking again.

Anyhow, it seems like Ain is gradually becoming a god.
Ain said that she’ll likely be part of the divine within 10 years, but does that mean that she’ll become like Fii?
She just went 「Let’s leave it at that for now.」 but I don’t like this part of Ain that much. I frankly think Ain should be more interested in herself.
I continued listening since I didn’t want to interrupt and suddenly Ain very hesitantly but clearly said this:

『As I become more of a god, you’ll be pulled along and become a god as well.』

As Ain becomes more of a god, I also start becoming a god then?
I see. That could be tough.
Still, that means that I can stay together with Ain right?
Or will I be separated from Ain when we become gods?

「What happens when I start becoming more like a god?」
『Let’s see. At a certain point, you’ll start being able to hear the voice of the spirits and then it will be possible to touch them as well.』
「That’s amazing.」
『Then once you step into godhood, you’ll stop aging, gradually food and sleep becomes unnecessary and then it’ll be hard for you do die.
The problem is that it’s irreversible. Once you’ve stepped into godhood, you can’t go back to being mortal anymore.』

It looks like we won’t be separated.
Not needing food and sleep seems pretty convenient and being able to interact with spirits would be really wonderful. Still, is the part where I stop becoming mortal bothering Ain?
As long as I’m together with Ain, I don’t really care about being mortal or not.

『In order for you to not become a god, I need to disappe-……』
「Then there’s no need to think about it. Ain disappearing is a straight no.」

Saying so with complete clarity, I stop Ain from saying such a stupid thing.

Really, what is she even saying? There’s no way I would approve of Ain disappearing.
Hearing Ain still continuing to talk about it, I felt a bit angry.
Please think about it properly? There’s no need to even consider it.

「Then what about you, Ain? Are you really thinking properly? I said it, didn’t I? If Ain disappears, I’ll search for you forever. I’ll do it until I die, okay?
Don’t tell me that you think I’m lying?」
『I don’t, but it might be too late to decide when you start thinking that you want to stay human.』
「And that’s the same with Ain disappearing. If I think of wanting to be with Ain, it’ll be too late when you’re already gone.
Besides, even if I become a god, I have Ain, the spirits and Fii, right?
I have all that I need. Do you understand?」
『Yes…… I understand.』

As long as Ain understands, it’s all good. As long as she does.
This might be the first time I got mad at Ain.

Still, I want Ain to know even a bit of just how important she is to me.

「Say, Ainsel. Ain, do you perhaps hate me?」
『No, I really love you. If not, I wouldn’t have remained with you until now.』
「Me too, I really love you too, you know?
That’s why, no matter what happens, I’ll always choose Ain. Is that not good?」
『No…… no.』

Processing my words, Ain replied with a no.
Even though this was the reaction I wanted to see, the words I wanted to hear, Ain is still worrying about something.

「Something’s bothering you, isn’t it?」
『I…… I don’t want to part with you, Ciel.
But… I’m not confident that I can keep you happy. When I think that I might cause you unhappiness after dragging you along with me, it makes me feel anxious.』

For some reason, this made my heart jump.
It must be the first time I heard Ain being so negative, but maybe Ain showing this side of her to me was what made me happy.
Maybe hearing Ain say that she doesn’t want to part with me made me happy.
Or maybe seeing that Ain thinks of me so much was what made me feel happy.

Still, I can’t just be happy while Ain is so anxious in front of me.
What can I say to her? How can I even comfort her?

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I’m sure that Ain was thinking about this since she heard this from the god. There’s no doubt that it agonized her.
Still, this fact makes me feel happy.
Did Ain think of this to make me feel happy? Or did the thought only make her suffer?

Perhaps it’s neither. Maybe Ain just wants me to choose.
Ain is just telling me whether the decision I think is good really is good or not.
This is something for the future me to be happy, not for the current me to be happy.

Still, it makes me feel happy.

I see, I think. This is enough.
I’m not sure if I can properly put it into words, but I’ll try somehow.

「You know, Ain. I like Ain. I like how Ain laughs, I like how Ain sings, and I like it when you enjoy yourself.
However, I also like seeing Ain being stumped. I also like seeing Ain embarrassed and I also like how you get angry for my sake.」
『Is…… that so?』
「But you know, you know, I don’t like seeing Ain actually troubled and I don’t want to see you being sad either, okay?
Ummm, I’m glad that Ain is thinking about to making me happy, and that’s already enough to make me happy, but I think what Ain means by making me happy is impossible.」
『What do you mean?』

I did my best to explain, but it still feels too vague even for me.
What did Ain say again? That she isn’t confident that she can keep me happy, right?
Still, what is my happiness?

The things that Ain is trying to do for me, things she has done for me.
Ain protecting me. Ain being considerate and thinking with me in mind.
Of course these make me happy.

But seeing Ain being stumped, seeing her sing, I think even these times make me feel happy. I feel happiness by myself.
Even without Ain making me happy, I can be happy when seeing Ain.
Still, that doesn’t mean to say that just seeing Ain doing anything will make me happy. I don’t want to see Ain being sad. I don’t even know what would happen to me if I see Ain cry.

With that in mind, I don’t know really everything about my own happiness.
I don’t even know it myself, so it’s impossible for Ain, someone who isn’t even me, to give me all happiness.
Ain tries too hard.

I’m sure that I’ve felt a whole lot more happiness than Ain thinks I do.
Those that came from Ain and those that I discovered myself.
That’s why Ain doesn’t have to try so hard on her own. I want Ain to find her own happiness too.

I’m sure that seeing Ain happy would be a happy thing.

「Ain and I are different after all. When Ain seems troubled, I get happy seeing Ain being stumped. You’ve never known about this up until now right, Ain?
Besides, even I don’t know everything that would make me happy. I’m sure that if I see another side of Ain I never knew before, I’d either be happy or sad.
In the same way, even I don’t know how I can become happy.

That’s why, I think I’ll just become happy on my own.
I’m sure that you also get happy on your own, right Ain?
But even so, while I don’t know how I can become happy, I at least know that I need Ain to be happy.」

It’s not as if I know everything that can make me happy but what I do know is that Ain is necessary for my happiness.
If Ain thinks the same way, I’m sure that we can always be happy.

「How about you Ain? Does your happiness need me?」

I silently wait for Ain to answer. Making sure that no matter what she says, I can calmly answer.
After a while, I hear Ain’s voice.

『It does…… yes.』

Just hearing that, I’m glad. I’m happy.
I wanted to stay calm and composed, but I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.

(This chapter is provided to you by Re:Library)

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「In that case, there’s no problem. After all, Ain doesn’t need to make me happy.
From now until forever, let’s be happy on our own together.
So Ain, no more talk about disappearing, okay?」
『Understood.』

This time it seems like Ain understood completely.
Ain disappearing is absolutely, definitely, not okay, alright?



Hiya~! We continue further with our interlude wave, this time with our interlude corresponding to the chapters 85 and 86~!

As before, I don’t have much to say that I haven’t already said before, HOWEVER! I noticed that I might have missed translating one line back in the main story. Which is the italized part here:
「That’s so nice, so nice, I want to see it too!
*Is there any way I can see how Ain looks like too?*」
By the time this chapter is up, I should have already fixed this, sorry for the inconvenience.

As for the chapter, it’s quite fun seeing Ciel’s thought process during the “sat down on a chair” part and, yeah, Ain really lacks self-awareness, or rather, she just doesn’t pay attention to herself that much. Very alert when it comes to the surroundings and threats against Ciel, but really, she should pay more attention to herself from now on. Anyhow, there are five more interludes left before we get back to the main story, so I hope you enjoy the coming weeks. 

Now then, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please feel free to comment. Stay clean, stay safe, and have a nice day~!


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