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“Shiodaaaa.”
“Here.”

Called up, I cheerfully headed to the welfare consultation counter.

“Shioda. You know, we can’t pay you anymore.”
“Ehhhh, why not!?”

This guy only just opened his mouth, and already sprouted something outrageous. Life insurance, this so-called insurance, is Evil God Dark Matter’s only source of money. If they don’t pay me insurance, then the very foundation of my Evil God Life will be overturned. I was incredibly panicked.

“You know, originally insurance was supposed to be paid to those who want to work but can’t. No matter how you look at it, you look fit to work, don’t you!”

R-, Ridiculous!

My acting-, I mean, the ‘Can’t Work Aura’ born from my depression should have been flawless, but…

“No, but, lately, my head has been aching, and my chronic depression hasn’t been healed. I definitely can’t work, and―”
“You know, not wanting to work does not qualify you for insurance. And also, if you’re depressed then please bring me a medical certificate.”

What…? You doubt me!?

To begin with, usually the counter is manned by Kinoshita, so why is this guy here? It can’t be that Kinoshita was axed, right?

Good heavens! I had never even considered the possibility that Kinoshita who so easily-, I mean, Kinoshita who would understand and sympathise with me and plainly do their job, would be gone. And also, I already gave Kinoshita a medical certificate, so why are they asking for it after all this time?

“Excuse me, I’ve already handed in a medical certificate, though…”

Hearing my words, the man pulled out a document from a file.

“You know, you did hand in a medical certificate, but that was from ten years ago so it’s invalid. You’re already healed, aren’t you!?”
“N-, No, I’m not.”
“Then please present a new medical certificate.”
“In the past I could receive my payments even without a new medical certificate, but―”
“The mayor changed, so the regulations have gotten stricter. This district in particular has a lot of insurance frauds, so the mayor ordered us to be particularly strict.”

WHAT!? Doing the uncalled for…

If he’s the mayor then there’s plenty of other stuff he should be doing! Create needless libraries, or go on needless business trips, or do some other mayor-like things!

Cutting my only source of income…

What should I do? Should I try negotiating? If I get some money now, I’ll be able to work things out later, or rather, I’ll think of some other plan later. Right now I need this month’s payment.

“Right now I have no money. I’ll bring it back later, so could I receive a payment first?”
“No. If you need money no matter what, how about working?”

With that, the man handed over a job-seeking magazine, and sent me out as though to tell me to go away.

Ku-! Who does that foolish lower-middle class think I am…?

I am Evil God Dark Matter! What do you mean, insurance fraud, you fool!

Who do you think you have to thank for your carefree life? It’s because of the Evil God’s mighty power that the Earth is safe. If I wasn’t here, the Earth would be overtaken by the forces of evil in a second.

As I muttered in complaint, I left the welfare office.

-Guuuu-

My empty stomach rang out. Speaking of which, I haven’t eaten since this morning. I took out my wallet from my pocket, and had a look inside.

―Total: ¥38

I can’t even buy an onigiri.

Starvation tactics; a time-old scheme, but the damage is terrible. You forces of evil, how fearsome.

Indeed; in fear of Evil God Dark Matter, they finally even reached their hands into the power of the state to cut off my source of funds. The reason why I couldn’t receive money this time even though I’ve always been receiving it is surely that.

But this nation is pathetic as well. To allow themselves to be manipulated by the forces of evil…

Honestly, so pathetic. SO PATHETIC! The country of all things!

I continued to scream, alone on the swings.

A few dozen minutes later…

Hahh~ Should I go get a job…?

I flipped through the job brochure that I was given a while ago, and had a look. “A cheerful and cosy company. A fulfilling job awaits you.” it read.

…What ‘cheerful and cosy company’? It’s probably just a company that half forces you to go to company outings and drinking parties, right? And if you try to distance yourself from that social circle, then they ostracise you, and the bullying goes full-blown. There’s no doubt about it.

I won’t be fooled! You damned black company!

I turned the page. “We’re looking for people with enthusiasm. Hardworkers will be considered for shop manager, and executive managers. You can fulfil your dreams.” it read.

…Enthuuusiasmm? Fulfillll your dreamsss? An idealistic company like this can’t f̲u̲c̲k̲i̲n̲g distinguish gung-ho from business sense! I’ll bet that if you can’t meet your quota, they’ll just give you some dated physical punishment and corner you emotionally.

I won’t be fooled! You damned black company!

I looked through every corner of the job brochure, but there wasn’t even a single bit of promise, and it was all filled with black companies.

Fufu. Even if you fool the masses, Evil God Dark Matter will not be fooled! AHAHAHA!

I stood by myself on top of the jungle-gym and continued to scream.

Thirty minutes later…

Hahh~ Should I just ask Comrade Inoue for a favour…?

There’s also the option of borrowing money from Inoue, my friend of many years, to get through the short-term.

If I bow my head, then― no, he’s no longer a comrade. He definitely betrayed me. What the hell do you mean, “You’re already pretty old, Shioda, so you’d better think properly about your future.” Just because you kinda got a job, you become that arrogant.

You’re just going to live a life of being squeezed dry by the capitalist pigs.

It’s sad, but you’re basically a slave for the rest of your life now. Even though you were once a comrade of Evil God Dark Matter… How pathetic.

What’s more, Inoue was once the president of the “We Super-Love Elves Society,” and for many years, I had supported him as the vice-president…

But despite that, he won’t even lend a hand to me when I’m in distress. You damned ingrate!

Hmph, I no longer need friends. I’ve already been abandoned by my parents. And now, I’ve even been abandoned by my country.

You forces of evil. Truly some ABCD encirclement-tiered¹ pressure you’ve put on me. Even though it’s supposed to be times like this that I need the support…

Fine. That’s fine. I don’t have a single ally anyway.

Parents, friends, the nation; all of them are fools. If you’re going to be this hostile to me, then I have my own plans as well.

It seems that it’s time to put the final plan into action.

Its name is “ATTACK TRUCK THE MONEY”.

The plan is truly simple. First, I lie in hiding by the side of a road. Next, I look for as slow a car as possible. It doesn’t really matter even if the car isn’t a truck. Finally, I just dive in front of that car.

And there you have it! A plan that will give me funds before I know it.

I left the park, and hid by the side of a road with poor visibility. Trucks, buses, passenger vehicles all went by at great speed.

…T-, They seem painful, huh.

The cars that went past were going at 70 kilometres an hour. If I get hit by those, I might be mincemeat.

No, what am I being afraid of!

I’m the man who destroyed and remade this world, Evil God Dark Matter. What am I going to do if I’m afraid of the likes of a car? I am the chosen one, and will not die.

And then after cheering myself up, and watching in hiding for a few dozen minutes, I spotted a truck driving slowly. I watched the truck carefully.

○○○○ Construction…

A major construction contractor company. I bet they’re in cahoots with some politician and making pissloads of money anyway.

Hmph. Evil God Dark Matter shall free you of that money!

Timing it just so that the truck was coming by, I leapt forward without pause.

“I am Evil God Dark― wai-, don’t just suddenly speed up― GOBAH-!”

And like that, I lost consciousness.

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ABCD_line