Chapter 32 – Shall we have tea? (Middle)

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Author: Rina Shito Original Source: Syosetu
Translator: Estelion English Source: Oniichanyamete
Editor(s): Silva, Liomad

“Haha, I’m garbage. Absolute garbage. I’m just a former chuunibyou NEET after alll~”

I was depressed from their mental attacks. They probably didn’t mean it, but their verbal attacks all hit me in the vitals. It’s like the old wounds from my past life are being gouged open again.

You know, big sis needs to restore her Life Points, so she’s going to hole up in her shell a little, okay?

While I was grumbling to myself in depression,

“Are you listening, elder sister? Elder sister!”

Ha-!? Timu’s voice brought me back to earth.

No good, no good. What am I going to achieve by living in the past!

My name is Tilea. I’m different from that garbage Shioda who lived his life as a NEET. I’m the poster girl for the restaurant “Berum”, and a fine chef.

Get a hold of yourself!

“Sorry, Timu. I wasn’t listening. So, what were you asking?”
“Yes. elder sister, besides the Killer Nunchaku, you have plenty of other splendid divine techniques, yes? As I recall, it was seven-hundred and seventy-seven of them…”
“UU-!? Timu, you actually remembered.”
“I am also very curious about this, Lady Tilea. I am told that the fist technique you used to crush the Demonic Evil Three was splendid.”

Ah, the “Pepsi Roll” huh? Timu was too persistent in asking about how I defeated the gangsters, so I ended up demonstrating and explaining it to her. Although it couldn’t be helped in that situation, committing violence isn’t something that you’re supposed to praise, but… I ended up explaining how the fight went in detail. Though I’m saying this about myself, there really should be limits to getting carried away.

But Timu’s eyes were glittering, so…

Huu, is she going to ask about techniques again? These two are chuunibyou as well, so I’m sure my techniques tickle their fancy.

I totally get it. They’re techniques that I created during the peak of my chuunibyou after all. Even if they’re two different worlds, the way that chuunibyou think is all the same.

Can’t be helped. Now that they’re looking at me with those expectant eyes, I can’t disappoint them. The whole point of today’s break was to communicate after all.

“I guess it can’t be helped. Well then, just a little, okay?”
“Thank you very much!”

Both pairs of eyes sparkled at the same time. Now that they’re looking forward to it that much, it’s become embarrassing for me instead. I’m sure these two will writhe in embarrassment as well, once their chuunibyou heals.

“Eh~ Ahem. First of all, there is something that all chuunibyou will learn without exception; the Hamemameha, Baban Stresh1 and Mastery of Five Layers2.”

“Mumumu… They sound deeply interesting. What kind of techniques are they?”
“Important techniques that are so important that you could even say were techniques that every chuunibyou learnt without exception.”
“Just hearing that makes them sound like very mighty techniques.”
“I was a chuunibyou too, so they’re included in my Seven-Hundred and Seventy-Seven Techniques of the Evil God. You could even call them techniques indispensable to a chuunibyou. In particular, pretty much every boy in Japan has experience with the Hamemameha.”
“What kind of technique is the Hamemameha?”
“Hmm~ It’s not magic. You could call it a ki bullet I suppose. You fire ki at the enemy.”

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“If it is ki bullets, then many humans in the previous war used such a technique. Only, they weren’t so powerful a technique that they could overcome a demon’s magic barrier.”
“Hu hu, if you used Hamemameha at max power, you could even destroy the moon, you know.”
“G-, Goodness! I haven’t even heard of a grand magic capable of destroying a celestial body. And for that to be accomplished by a ki bullet with far less might than magic is…”
“Amazing, right? Did that surprise you?”
“Y-, Yes. I was shocked. A-, And elder sister…”
“Yes, I practiced it. So much that everybody was shocked (disgusted)…”

I looked back on my past with distant eyes. Right. It was when I was in primary school. I wanted to use ki waves no matter what, so I used all of my pocket money and new years money, and borrowed money from my parents to make up the rest. It was a 12-part qigong correspondence course.

Even though I splendidly completed it…

It was completely useless.

Everyone around me was like, “What kind of stupid crap are you doing!” though. Yeah. I just really wanted to fire a ki wave!

“Then what is Baban Stresh?”
“That’s a sword technique. It’s a technique where you release something like a sword ki from your blade.”
“In that case, I have seen humans use something similar as well. And also, Demon General Zanza is a magic swordsman, and he can cut everything down within a few dozen meters radius of himself. Is it something like that?”

Not bad, Timu. More backstory on the Demon King Army, is it? But you know, you still have far to go. When big sis was in her past life, her chuunibyou wasn’t half-baked, okay?

“Hu hu, the amazing part about Baban Stresh is that it isn’t just a normal slash. Not just solids, and liquids, but even gasses; in other words, even the atmosphere can be rend to pieces with it.”
“G-, Goodness! If it is just cutting boulders or the sea, examples like that are as common as pebbles, but in all ages and nations, never has there been an example of rending the sky.”
“Amazing, right? After all, it cuts through solids, liquids, and gasses all at once.”
“And of course, elder sister, you…”
“Yes, I practiced it. So much that everybody was shocked (disgusted)…”

Of course I never missed a chance with a broom during school clean-up, but I also did it with an umbrella when it rained. Back when I was really into it, I’d do it for a few hours a day. I might have been the only one who did it so much that my elbow joints were inflamed. No, Japan is wide. I shouldn’t be the only one.

“Then what is the Mastery of Five Layers?
“That’s a fist technique. You destroy the target with a barrage of punches.”
“In that case, it’s similar to Nielsen’s secret technique, Bomber Fire, isn’t it.”
“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Naive, Timu. The amazing thing about Mastery of Five Layers is that it can pulverize absolutely anything.”
“Such a thing is possible!? W-, What is the principle behind that?”
“Ummmm~ First you strike the target with your first. And then while the vibrations are passing through it, you immediately strike again. And you repeat that five times.”
“I see. That makes sense, Lady Tilea. In other words, a linked oscillation, correct? As expected of you, Lady Tilea. I would by all means like to try this out myself!”

“Heh! Nielsen. Didn’t elder sister not warn us only a moment ago? You are being too ‘chuuneebyoh’. Honestly, you get too passionate whenever it comes to battles.”
“I am ashamed. When Lady Tilea spoke of such an exceptionally splendid technique, my blood as a warrior ended up boiling.”
“Well, that’s fine, isn’t it Niel. I know how you feel. When a chuunibyou hears about something like that, they end up wanting to try it no matter what.”
“Huhu, did you say the same thing as Nielsen in your past life?”
“Ugu-, yes. It’s natural that I wanted to try it after learning about it.”
“Truly…”

Saying that, Pervert (Nielsen) started to look like he really wanted to try it. It’d probably be better for him to just let it out. Stress isn’t good. Chuunibyou isn’t something that you can forcefully stop, after all. By all means, let’s have him shout “MASTERY OF FIVE LAYERS!” and start chaining punches. Sometimes acting like a child again is good for― no, no. Pervert (Nielsen) is always a child.

“Niel, if you want to try it, then go ahead.”
“Understood. Well then, please excuse me.”

Pervert (Nielsen) stood up from his chair, and took some solid mass out from his pocket. Is this something like karate’s tiles? How prepared. After putting that on the ground,

“HAAH-!”

with a shout, Pervert (Nielsen) drove his fist into it.

CRASH, rang the sound of something smashing.

Oi, what happened to shouting the name of the technique?

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Even though the real thrill of it is shouting “MASTERY OF FIVE LAYERRRS!” while you do it…

Well, I suppose everybody has their own way of enjoying things. He didn’t shout the name of the technique, but he was probably too concentrated on the punch. As long as he’s getting into it, I guess it doesn’t matter.

“W-, What a spectacular technique! Thanks to you, Lady Tilea, I have made great strides in my secret technique. Please look!”

I looked at what Pervert (Nielsen) held out in his hand.

Mn!? Some kind of metal-ey thing has been crushed to pieces. It’s the mass that Pervert (Nielsen) took out earlier, but…

What on earth is this? Well, it’s something that Pervert (Nielsen) broke with his fists, so I’m sure it isn’t metal. Maybe wood painted metallic or something?

“Not bad, Nielsen. Is this that?”
“Yes. It is orichalchum. My secret technique was born anew when I included the principle that Lady Tilea spoke of.”
“Umu. It splendidly smashed the orichalcum. The force of that strike would likely pass through even my magic barrier.”
“Your praise humbles me.”

Oooooh~ It looks like they’re having fun. I used to play like that too. I’d just grab some rotten wood from somewhere and punch it with “Mastery of Five Layers”, you see. All chuunibyou sufferers do the exact same thing, don’t they. Well, they’re having a fun tea-time, so I’m not so boorish as to spoil their fun.

“Not bad, Niel. To master it with just one try. That’s enough to acknowledge you as a master of this technique. Come on, try hitting me.”

I held out my palm in front of Pervert (Nielsen) like a boxing coach with a mitt. It’s like family time where you spend time with each other, except it’s employee-employer time. I’ll play along with you guys too.

“H-, However, striking you with such a mighty technique, is…”
“Nielsen, that is a needless worry. Do you think that elder sister is inferior to orichalcum?”
“Right, come on. I’m harder than orichalcum, you know?”
“That is certainly true. Well then, Lady Tilea, please lend me your chest. I will be striking with all my might, so please take care.”

Whoa, hang on! You don’t have to get so serious that you’re going all out you know― wai-, hey, you have no intention of listening to me, huh.

Pervert (Nielsen) was looking at me in a trance. Seems he’s already become the character ‘Nielsen the Warrior’.

Hahh, can’t be helped.

Even if Pervert (Nielsen) goes all out, it won’t amount to much anyway.

Filled with confidence, I held out my palm. And when I did, Pervert (Nielsen) clenched his fist and threw a strike with his entire body weight behind it.

“TOAHHHHH! Bomber Fire!”

The sound of metal hitting metal resounded through our surroundings. Pervert (Nielsen)’s hand had struck my palm with all his power.

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“OHHH, THAT HURTS! THAT HURTS DAMMIT OWWWWWWW!

I mercilessly thrust my fist into the back of Pervert (Nielsen)’s head. Blown away, he rolled against the ground.

That really hurt. I felt it in my bones. That’s why you need to read the mood, dammit!

To think that he got carried away and hit me for real.

Owowow. Not bad for Pervert (Nielsen). Did he awaken or something? Honestly, my hand better not be fractured.



References

  1. Baban Stresh is a parody of Avan’s Strash. In Dragon Quest – Dai’s Great Adventure, Avan teaches Dai the Avan’s Strash. Although Dai is taught the Earth Slash and Wave Slash, he needs to acquire the Air Slash on his own.
  2. Mastery of Five Layers is a parody of Mastery of Two Layers, a technique used in Rurouni Kenshin. I think how it works is, attacking with the fist to deform a target to its limit, and then immediately striking the same point with the wrist to break past the target’s limit.

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