Translator:	Author:	Original Source:
MJCross	Cat’s Glasses	SFACG

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“Young lady, a man’s knees are as precious as gold. Since this young man has knelt down, why not forgive him this once?”

Hearing the three sharp retorts from Xiao Lei and seeing my desperate plea, a curly-haired auntie, who clearly didn’t know what was going on, boldly stepped forward to plead on my behalf.

Wait, when did I even drop into a full-on dogeza¹?!

“Auntie, you’ve got it all wrong. We’re not a couple having a fight… Hey, stop kneeling already! You’re embarrassing us! Let’s go!”

Unable to withstand the growing crowd’s curious stares, Xiao Lei grabbed me by the arm and practically dragged me away from Wan○ Plaza in a full-blown escape maneuver.

The brutal contrast between the mall’s air-conditioned interior and the sweltering heat outside felt like a desert traveler being cast out of an oasis.

As we walked, I couldn’t help but speak up. “Master, about that manga kissa matter, seriously, can’t you just let me in on it?”

“Can we at least wait until I change back before discussing this? Talking about pervy stuff all the time with a girl will only make her dislike you.”

Xiao Lei’s voice carried a hint of irritation, clearly signaling her distaste for the topic.

If it were any other girl, I’d just drop it, but this was Xiao Lei, the master of all things ecchi.

Her daily antics were beyond suggestive, she even threw around dirty jokes like they were nothing.

Just last night, she was taking selfies in just her underwear, and while I was asleep, she—

Women are impossible to understand. I clicked my tongue in frustration.

Since she completely shut down the topic, I had no choice but to let it slide, following behind her in silence while carrying the shopping bags.

Maybe she felt the awkwardness too, because she suddenly slowed her pace, then casually slung an arm around my shoulders. Her unexpected boldness caught me off guard.

I glanced at her sideways, her face carrying a mischievous smirk, and for a moment, I was overwhelmed by a mix of emotions, unsure how to react.

“What’s with that face? Isn’t it normal for bros to put their arms around each other?”

Sure, when it’s bros—but does she really still see me as just a bro?

“But weren’t you just calling yourself a girl a second ago?”

“I am a girl. But what’s that got to do with us being best bros?”

She had a point. Damn it. I had no counterargument.

Her cool, smooth arm brushed against my sweaty neck, sending a pleasant chill down my spine. But as soon as I became aware of her warmth, her scent, and my own racing heartbeat, it somehow made me feel even hotter.

“It’s too damn hot. Let go of me.”

“I was just trying to lighten the mood.”

She finally let go, running her fingers through the red streak in her hair. Her tone was casual, but a hint of exasperation lingered in her words.

“You really don’t know how to read the room, do you? I told you before—when I’m Xiao Lei, I don’t like that kind of stuff. I’m not interested in other girls at all. But you kept pestering me about that shady café. Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you. I do have some shame, you know?”

“Then why the hell did you take those underwear selfies last night?”

The moment I brought up those “scandalous” photos, a visible cloud of steam puffed out from Xiao Lei’s head.

“T-That was for Zhao Zhao! I wouldn’t have gotten any screen time otherwise!”

What kind of 4D chess logic is that? Bribing yourself with your own photos?

“And what about those pictures of you snuggling up to me—”

THWACK!

A sudden, devastating gut punch stopped me mid-sentence. The force of it nearly made me regurgitate my lunchtime Burger King.

Placing the shopping bags on the ground, I staggered to the nearest tree, holding onto it for dear life as my knees gave out beneath me.

Can you at least be gentle when you’re embarrassed?

“Obviously because I like you! Do I have to spell it out?! Could you be any denser? You’re the devil!”

With a dramatic hair flip, she stormed off in a huff.

At moments like this, I really wished Zhao Zhao and Xiao Lei were two separate people.

Hauling all these shopping bags while trying to “convert” Old Feng would definitely be a bad look. So, we headed home first, got everything sorted, and then left again.

By the time we were back outside, it was just after four o’clock, which meant Old Feng should already be setting up his stall.

The air was still humid and stifling, but compared to the murderous midday heat, it was barely tolerable.

“If this heat keeps up, Old Feng’s business is gonna take a serious hit.”

“Yeah, during peak summer, even midnight temperatures stay above 34 degrees. It’s gotta be tough for him.”

At 4:30 PM, it wasn’t quite dinner time yet. Old Feng had just finished setting up and was behind his stall, cigarette in mouth, chopping ingredients with a menacing look. Anyone unaware of the situation might have mistaken this for some kind of human meat bun shop.

Old Feng looks scary, but that’s just because his face is expressionless. His burn scars just make him seem even more intimidating.

I took the lead, casually seating myself at the nearest plastic table to the stall.

Today, my role was that of an ordinary customer, listening in on Xiao Lei’s attempt to “convert” Old Feng while ensuring her safety.

Didn’t even need a menu—I ordered straight away.

“Beef and potatoes over rice. No ginger.”

Old Feng glanced at me, then silently lit the stove and started cooking. The aroma of stir-fried beef and potatoes teased my appetite, but I’d eaten that Burger King pretty late, and those burgers really fill you up. I wasn’t particularly hungry.

When Old Feng placed the dish and rice bowl on my table, that was the signal—it was time for the main act.

Enter: Xiao Lei, the Divine Emissary.

…But her walking posture was infuriating.

She strutted over in an inexplicably exaggerated catwalk style, hands on her hips like she thought she was some elegant noble. Was she trying to mimic some kind of celestial maiden from a drama? Walking like that on the street was just asking for a beating.

Old Feng looked up, expressionless, and gestured toward the side table—probably telling her to go place an order properly.

But Xiao Lei ignored him. Instead, she took a deep breath and, with a clear voice from deep within her diaphragm, declared:

“Good sir, are you satisfied with your current life?”

“…?”

Old Feng frowned, clearly baffled.

“Would you like a chance to start over?”

Old Feng raised his head, his one remaining eye narrowing in suspicion.

“…Pyramid scheme?”

He totally thought she was a scammer. Then again, cults and pyramid schemes do have some similarities.

“No, no! It’s nothing like that,” Xiao Lei quickly corrected.

“I am a messenger of the Church of Bishoujo, the emissary of the God of Bishoujo in this world. I have come to save those who are suffering in the depths of misfortune!”

Even though she kept up the fraudster act, her face was still turning red… Spouting such an over-the-top chuuni speech, paired with a ridiculous name like the Church of Bishoujo, would take all the courage a normal person could muster—let alone something that sounded as absurd as the Flying Spaghetti Monster².

“…Cult?”

“The God of Bishoujo requires neither your faith nor your money. My deity’s only wish is to save lost souls like you from their miserable circumstances and grant them happiness.”

With that, she pulled out a pre-prepared prop from her pocket—a blue-and-white moonstone. The transparent stone shimmered with an ethereal glow, resembling the soft radiance of moonlight.

This thumb-sized moonstone had been bought that afternoon at Wan○ Plaza for 40 yuan. Whether it was real or not was questionable—but it certainly looked pretty.

Placing the moonstone in her palm, Xiao Lei solemnly held it out with both hands as if she were offering a priceless treasure.

“This ‘Divine Stone’ has been blessed by my lord God of Bishoujo. It will bring you happiness—please, accept it.”

“I’m not buying it,” Old Feng said impatiently, waving her off as if swatting away a fly.

I noticed a throbbing vein appear on Xiao Lei’s temple. She grabbed Old Feng’s hand and forcibly shoved the moonstone into his palm.

“It’s free! Really! It can change your life! Just take it, okay? You’ve got nothing to lose! And besides, isn’t this stone super pretty?”

Wait—did she just call it a “stone”? She totally called it a stone, right?!

Old Feng thought for a moment, then stuffed the moonstone into his pocket. Well, it was a nice-looking rock, after all.

“Phew~”

Seeing him accept it, Xiao Lei let out a sigh of relief, even wiping the sweat off her forehead with the back of her hand.

“Wait a second, this isn’t stolen goods, is it?”

“You— your suspicion is way too strong! I even have the receipt if you want to see it!”

Hold on—did she just say “receipt”? She definitely said “receipt”, right?!

At this point, Xiao Lei was clearly getting irritated. She even dropped the polite speech. I could feel her growing frustration just watching from the sidelines.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but… well, since you’ve insisted this much, I’ll keep it.”

“That’s the spirit! Uncle, if you really want to change your life, more than a blessing from the gods, it’s your own determination that truly matters!”

“……”

Old Feng returned to his usual blank expression, lowering his head to focus on his cooking. He had zero reaction to Xiao Lei’s motivational speech.

“Jeez. Fine, I’ll order something then! Stir-fried pork liver with rice. Ah, and no ginger.”

Old Feng glanced at Xiao Lei, then lit the stove and started cooking.

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I can’t decide between the specific term for 神使, I’ll just switch between divine messenger and divine emissary depending on the context, yall just keep in mind that its Xiao Lei.
　