| Author: Shizuku | Original Source: Syosetu | Word Count: 3409 characters |
| Translator: Nomad | English Source: Re:Library | Word Count: 1550 words |
| Editor(s): Robinxen | ||
The plan Ruri suggested was really simple. She lure Natalia out to drink, and then use that to get her to impulsively say everything.
At night, everything went according to plan, with Ruri taking Natalia away, and me following them to the garden a while later to secretly listen in. Eventually, Ruri gives the signal for me to come out, and when Natalia sees me, she looks like she’s about to break into tears.
No… I didn’t want her to look that way.
‘It could easily hurt both of you very deeply, and destroy any connection between you. Do you still want to potentially ruin everything?’
It’s only now that I realize what Ruri was trying to warn me about.
“Olivia…” Natalia mumbles my name before turning around and running away.
“Natalia!” I call her name, but she doesn’t stop. “Wait!” I start running too, trying to catch up to her.
It’s night so I have to rely on the moonlight to see, and the sound of steps on the garden’s gravel.
Don’t run! I’m not going to run from you either!
“Nataliaaa!” I reach out and manage to take hold of her hand.
“Let me go! I…I..!”
That’s something I’ll never do.
“Natalia, wait!” I hold her more firmly while desperately trying to get her to listen.
After some time, she gives up on running and I feel her hand no longer resisting, but I still won’t let go.
“So you were listening…”
“…Yeah.”
After that, she slowly tells me everything. She used to be a guy living in another world, and after dying she woke up here as a magic automaton. At first, she was happy, living in a different and exciting new world, but with time, the differences with her past life began to haunt her.
She couldn’t let go of her previous memories, even after her promise with my mother, and now she’s in limbo, unable to move on in one direction or the other.
“I’m sure you must be disappointed. But that’s who I really am.” She says that with a self mocking smile, though to me she looks like she’s on the verge of tears. But she keeps it all to herself, her sorrow and her tears.
Back when my mother passed away, Natalia was there to comfort me. But she herself couldn’t actually cry. I never realized how much that alone was hurting her this whole time.
“My feelings won’t change, even if you were a guy before.”
I’m not disappointed. I’m shocked, yes, but I also feel like that explains a lot of Natalia’s actions and behavior in the past.
“Stop. I don’t have the qualifications to fall in love with anyone. So you should try to find someone better than me too, Young Lady. You’ll be much happier that way.”
“That’s not true.”
I know she’s saying that because she cares about me, but I can’t accept that.
“Don’t decide what makes me happy like that.”
I can only see myself being happy by following my own decisions. No matter how much it hurts or how reckless it seems, even if things take a turn for the worse, I’ll follow my own path.
“But… But someone like me isn’t worthy of being liked by you…”
“But you’re the one taking care of me every day, and who’s always there to support me when I’m sad. And that’s who I fell in love with. Don’t belittle yourself like that.”
“…Those things aren’t unique to me though… Anyone in the same position would’ve done the same.”
“Maybe, maybe someone else would’ve done the same. But you’re the one who actually did it.”
I feel some strength come back into her arm as she stands up properly.
“I know where you’re coming from, but my feelings for you won’t change. I just want you to know that.”
“…It’s not that I hate you, or that you’re not my type, it’s nothing like that. I actually find you irresistible1, maybe…maybe I even like you too…”
That last part makes my face feel hot.
“But I’m only here because of Ophelia, and I promised to her on her deathbed that I would return the favor by keeping her daughter safe…”
“I don’t think my mother would be opposed though. She’d probably be happy, even.”
“Yes, I think so too. The thing is… I… Well, I had a thing for Ophelia.”
“Mhm, I know.”
I always had a hunch, considering how Natalia looks every time she talks about my mother. Sometimes I even get jealous of the way Natalia remembers her.
“And… Sometimes I feel like my memory of her overlaps with you. You keep saying how you like me, but I just keep thinking of Ophelia, and sometimes I wonder if I’m not just thinking of you as a replacement for her. Or rather, I can’t say for sure that it’s you who I like. I…I can’t really trust myself…”
I gently hug her as she says that.
“…Thank you for telling me.”
If Natalia really wanted to, she could’ve cast me away and her promise with my mother, becoming truly free. Even if society treats magic automatons as monsters, she has the abilities to blend in. She could’ve lived as she pleased, not caring for me or my mother. But she stayed, so neither I or anyone else would get hurt.
“It’s just a bit, but I think I’ve managed to take a step forward.”
If Natalia really was such a worthless person, she wouldn’t care about hurting others. But she does.
“I knew it, I still like you.”
She’s the person I fell in love with. One who doesn’t want others to get hurt, even if she’s constantly in pain, one who can’t abandon others, and who’s always kind to others no matter how awkward she feels.
Even if her body is that of an automaton, her soul is more human than anyone else’s.
“You don’t need to settle on being yourself from the past or being someone else. All of that is still yourself, and I’ll accept all you are, including your weaknesses and selfishness.”
I hug her more firmly as I say that.
“I love you, Natalia.”
“I… I… I… Ahhhhhhhhhh!”
Natalia’s voice starts to quiver until she starts crying loudly. Even if she can’t produce tears, this is probably the first time since she got to this world that she’s truly crying2.
After some time, Natalia manages to collect herself and we return to our room, and there’s no one there. The beds are ready, but Fan Yen, Clarissa, Erika, and Akane are nowhere to be seen.
“Where did everyone go?”
Natalia sounds a bit scared as she grasps my hand. Why is she so cute?
“Ah, look.” I noticed a note left in the room.
‘To Olivia: Ryuka has prepared a separate room for us, so we’ll sleep there. I know not what complicated matters exist between you and Natalia, but just in case, I’ve cast a soundproof barrier around the room. All nearby rooms have been vacated as well, but don’t overdo it, alright? -Fan Yen’
So everything is perfectly in place? Does this mean we can just do it?
“Young Lady?”
“Ah, sorry. It seems everyone is sleeping somewhere else. We can use this room however we want.”
“I…see…”
Natalia sounds a bit pensive as she slowly sits on the bed.
Then, she suddenly tears off her legs. This time she’s not keeping them connected with her nerve threads like when she fights, but they’re actually detached from her body.
“What happened?!” I shout a little, unable to understand what she’s doing.
“I can reattach them later. This is just so I can’t run away.” Saying that, she starts to untie the ribbon on her chest.
“Young Lady… You can…do it.”
I don’t need to ask what, I’m old enough to know. And I can also tell that’s what she means.
“I won’t be able to hold back if you say that, you know?”
I’ve always dreamt about this, and I would even picture it when I did certain things. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself if it’s actually happening for real.
“You don’t need to. I just have one request.”
Her fists are clenched firmly.
“Even if I get nervous or scared halfway through, please don’t stop. I want you to become etched into my very being.”
Somehow, I feel like Natalia is starting to feel guilty that she’s offloading everything to me again. But that’s alright. I’ve decided I’ll accept her faults and all.
“Mhm. I’ll make you mine, Natalia.”
“Yes please…”
I sit next to her, and all of a sudden she leans to me. Before I know it, our lips are touching3.
“Umm… I wanted to do at least something myself…”
Does she realize just how aroused that just made me? All the emotions that have been piling up year after year are about to burst4.
Back in Chapter 89:
Olivia: “And then when Natalia’s belly starts growing I’ll caress her and say things like I hope our child grows up strong and healthy.”
Now:
Olivia: “Even if you’re a guy deep inside, my feelings won’t change.”
Natalia: “I feel like I should be happy about that, but somehow I’m not.”
