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Host: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for tuning in to ‘A Date with Little Black’, our prime time show at eight tonight. I am your host, Little Black. The sky is clear today and it’s another beautiful day. I’m glad you are able to watch our show in front of the Spectrum Stone today as promised. To thank our audience for their continuous support over the years, I have specially invited the presiding judge of the Luminous Judgement, Ramiele Xoey, who is also known as the Azure Rose, as our guest today. Here, Presiding Judge Xoey, say hello to everyone.

Xoey (with a cold face): Hello, everyone.

Host: It seems the Azure Rose of the Luminous Theocracy is still as cold as ever. As expected of the noble flower in the hearts of countless young people! No wonder why some of the youngsters would say things like ‘Please step on me, Lady Xoey!’. Even an experienced fighter like me can’t really hold myself back.

Xoey: You can tell those who have said these things to come find me. I’ll definitely satisfy them. (The sound of ground getting crushed is heard at the scene).

Host: Ahem, ahem. We’ll talk about this later. We have invited Presiding Judge Xoey here today to further understand the shocking event that transpired in our sacred nation. I’m referring to the huge incident at the Whispering Square. According to our informant’s report, some criminals have blasphemed against the Goddess statue by turning her from a D-cup to an A-cup. Is this true?

Xoey: It’s a rumor.

Host: But our informant reported that the criminals first beheaded the Goddess statue during the evening prayers. They returned the severed head under the pressure of His Holiness, the Pope, but sliced off the Goddess’ breasts when no one was looking and fled the scene. Is this true?

Xoey: Rumor.

Host: But according to our informant’s report, there were tens of thousands of witnesses on the scene at the time. Is this true?

Xoey: ….May I ask for your informant’s surname first?

Host: Ahem, ahem, well…

Xoey: Ten thousand gold coins.

Host: Well… I’m a host with moral integrity, so I can’t be tempted by money.

Xoey: Fifty thousand.

Host (looking troubled): I have said that I can’t be tempted by money, but if you offer more…

Xoey: Oh, I see. Since you adhere to moral principles, then I shall stop tempting you with money.

Host: Ahem, I’m glad you understand, Your Honor.

Xoey: If you don’t turn in that person to the Luminous Judgement tomorrow morning before six, you can just wait to collect the dead bodies of your family members. Rest assured, as the Presiding Judge of the Luminous Judgement, I won’t kill innocent people indiscriminately. Your family shall be executed as infidels. After all, I’m only a servant of the Goddess and not a devil.

Host (with a pale face): I…understand.

Xoey: Regarding the incident that happened in Whispering Square, that was only a prank from someone with ill-intentions to turn a repeated rumor into a fact. They were only spreading rumors to undermine the stability of the nation. If everyone doesn’t believe me, then I can swear by His Holiness’ morals. If I’m telling a lie here, then His Holiness the Pope is a totally helpless perverted lolicon.

Host: Since Your Honor has said so, we as the people of the Goddess can only believe it. After all, how could His Holiness the Pope be a perverted lolicon? Therefore, to those flat-chested fans among the Goddess’ believers— you can take back your disgusting sexual fantasies! Big boobs are justice! Next, I would like to ask Your Honor on how this matter is being handled?

Xoey: We have detained all 87,544 people who spread the false rumors. They were supposed to face severe interrogation, but since the Goddess is merciful, we will conduct long-term ideological education on them instead.

Host: Umm… how many people was that again?

Xoey: 87,544 people. (Showing a murderous face.) Do you have any problems with that?

Host: No…No.

Xoey: Do you have any other questions then? I still have 87,540 people to educate, so I am very busy.

Host: …I’m a little disillusioned (wipes sweat). I would like to ask about the two arrest warrants issued by His Holiness the Pope recently.

Xoey (looking impatient): What’s there to ask about an arrest warrant?

Host (takes out two wanted posters): Usually, there isn’t much to ask about arrest warrants, but these two… Let’s put aside the unprecedented high bounty of up to a hundred million gold coins, why are the faces of these wanted criminals censored? Is there any special reason behind it?

Xoey (hissing under her breath): Do I have to tell you that the Pope will keep getting struck by lightning if he doesn’t censor their faces?

Host: Did you say something, Your Honor?

Xoey: I said, can’t you guys do something useful for once and go find the criminals on the wanted posters? Where did you guys find so many questions? Are you all three-year-olds who only know to ask his mother questions all day long?

Host: But these wanted posters are all censored with mosaic, how can we look for them?

Xoey (exploded with rage): You can’t find them just because there’s mosaic over their faces?! If you guys don’t even have the ability to automatically filter out the mosaic, then how do you guys usually watch porno?!!

Host (cheek twitching): …Uhh… Okay then, let’s set this question aside first. In fact, the biggest meteor shower in sixteen years was seen over the skies of Aeria just a few hours ago. Fortunately, they were stopped by the experts from the Luminous Church in time so there weren’t any casualties. Is this incident related to the previous rumors about the criminals in any way? Is this another evil conspiracy?

Xoey: That was our saintess setting off some fireworks.

Host: Oh no, it didn’t look like fireworks no matter how you look at it…

Xoey: It was fireworks.

Host: But why didn’t I hear the fireworks exploding?

Xoey: Because you’re deaf.

Host: But why were the fireworks not beautiful at all?

Xoey: Because you’re blind.

Host: But why did some of us detect a significant increase in the concentration of magic power during that time?

Xoey: …

Host: And why did the weather suddenly change? The cloudless sky suddenly turned dark with dense clouds at that time. That shouldn’t be a natural phenomenon.

Xoey: …

Host: Could it be that someone was casting a powerful magic?

Xoey: …

Host: Was the Pope casting his magic? Was his use of magic related to the incident mentioned earlier? Were the two people in the wanted posters his opponents? Please answer the questions, Your Honor.

Xoey: You know too much, can you come with me?

Host: Huh?!! Wait, we’re still broadcasting live! Is it a good idea for you to show the dark side of the Luminous Judgement to the audience?!

Xoey: Don’t worry, no one will dare to make any problem.

Host: It’s getting darker!! Ouch, wait! It hurts!! Don’t grab me by my face, you’re going to shatter my skull!! Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the end of ‘A Date With Little Black’! Thank you very much for watching! I’ll see you next time when I get out of the prison! Goodbye!!