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“I’m home—”

When I opened the front door, I was greeted, as always, by the warm glow of the lights, the cozy atmosphere, the delicious smell of dinner, and most of all, the radiant smile of my wife.

“Welcome home, dear. You’re early today,”

Hiyuki, who had tied her long hair back for ease of movement, cheerfully said this as she smoothly took the bags from my hands.

“Yeah. I got a request to slay a black dragon that had settled in the western mountains, but before I even reached the nest, it came down to the foothills on its own, so I didn’t have to go out of my way.”

I added, “And it only took one hit.”

“That’s why you’re back earlier than planned. Still, to take down a black dragon alone… that’s what I’d expect from the best in Amitia—no, one of the top three adventurers on the entire continent. I’m proud of you.”
“Haha. But being famous has its downsides. I keep getting requests from every country. Honestly, I don’t like leaving you behind.”
“There’s nothing to be done. I fell in love with you because you work so hard.”

Hiyuki (my wife) smiled warmly.

That aloof, cat-like air she had when we first met had completely vanished. Now she was kind, gentle, and thoroughly domestic.

A stunning beauty, talented at every aspect of housework, always supporting her husband—truly the ideal wife.

And now, I had become one of only three EX-ranked adventurers on the continent.

With that income, I’d bought a house in a prime location in the royal capital, and gained a warm, loving home.

Even our spacious yard was enough to keep pets—“NyoaAAAAHH!!” came the roar of our pet, Humbaba, from outside.

I even had wealth to last a lifetime.

A complete success. A truly rose-colored life.

“~~~~~~”

I was the luckiest man alive.

Just as I was soaking in that immense happiness, Hiyuki gave me a slightly mischievous look and asked,

“So, would you like dinner first? Or a bath? Or… the scrub?”
“Hmm. I’ll go with the scrub-scrub.”

I answered absentmindedly, head full of bliss.

Immediately,

“—Joey. If you respond to a joke with another joke, I have no idea how to handle it.”

Her sweet expression melted into a deadpan look as she turned away with an exaggerated sigh.

Huh? Something feels… off.

♢♦♢♦♢

Leaving Shion, who had just learned to toddle around, in the care of Mikoto and the others, I took Tengai and a few of the Beasts of Calamity with me and dropped by the Amitia Republic’s Adventurers Guild Headquarters for a casual inspection-slash-leisure visit.

But the moment I arrived, I was ambushed—uh, greeted—by Deputy Guildmaster Gald, his secretary Mia, and D-rank wizard Fiore, and promptly escorted to a private room.

“Your Majesty, we need to consult you about something.”
“Your Divine God-Emperor, forgive us for the personal matter, but we must speak with you in private.”
“L-Lady Hiyuki! You’re the only one we can rely on!”

And so, with barely a greeting, they came out and said it—

“Huh? Joey’s acting weird? …Isn’t that, like, normal?”

I gave them a “Seriously?” kind of look. Gald sighed with a grim expression.

“Well, yeah, it is. But I think it’s probably not the kind of weird Your Majesty is thinking.”

Though his words were blunt as ever, Gald now had noticeably more gray hair than a year ago.

…How do I say it. He now has this melancholy of a manager emitting out from his body, like the kind of aura that’s begging you to bully him, which reminds me of King Collard (now a doting father) when I first met him.

Hmmm. I guess when people rise in status, the mental strain grows too.

When I looked at him with a touch of pity, he gave me a sour glare.

“What’s with the warm, smug little look?”
“I just figured being an important guy must be tough. I sympathize.”

By the way, Gald was originally supposed to be Guildmaster when the adventurers’ guilds in Amitia were unified. But he adamantly refused, so he was given the No. 2 spot, while Chloe (the queen, and arguably the real ruler) was made No. 1.

“If you really sympathized, I’d appreciate being relieved of this ridiculous title already. And speaking of high status, isn’t Your Majesty in the toughest spot of all? You unified the entire continent—no, I mean you’re the God-Emperor. You’re not exactly free to wander around like this. You do realize that, right?”
“—Ugh…!”

A sharp jab. I averted my gaze. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mia and Tengai nodding vigorously in agreement.

“W-Well, never mind me. It’s Joey we’re talking about, Joey. What exactly is wrong with him?”

I scrambled to change the subject, but everyone still looked like they had a few more jabs to deliver.

Totally an away game!
I was supposed to have conquered the world and was standing at its peak, and yet my own team were still treating me like an outsider!

“Um, right. So—”

Fiore, who had been sitting quietly with a troubled expression, finally stood up and spoke.

Nice one, Fiore!

“Three days ago, Master took on a request and went to Tenebrae Nemus alone.”

“—By the way, the request was to fill a container full of Azuro fruit and bring it back,” Mia helpfully added.

“Azuro fruit?”
“A recently discovered fruit in the Tenebrae Nemus. It’s shaped like a pineapple but has a coconut-like skin. It’s inedible raw, but roasted, it becomes tender and delicious. The flavor’s unique, so some people love it, some don’t.”
“Ooh.”

I’ll have to try it later.

“They say it gives you a happy, relaxed feeling when eaten. But if you crush it raw and mix it with certain spices, it becomes addictive. People keep coming back for more.”
“That’s narcotics! That needs to be outlawed immediately!”
“Oh, it’s fine. The shopkeeper overindulged on samples, lost it, and ran through the streets shouting, ‘I am a god! Fwaaahahahaha!’ The shop got shut down.”

…Let’s just ban it outright.

“Anyway, Master never returned the next day, so I was preparing to go search with my party, but…”
“Party?”
“Yes. I’ve had two party members for about two months now.”
“Wow. Isn’t looking after Joey a lot on its own? I’d love to meet them.”

At that, Fiore froze with an awkward half-smile.

“Uhh… umm… well…”
“Spare them, please, Your Majesty. Even just meeting me, a Deputy Guildmaster, had one of them faint on the feet and the other faint on the floor. If they met the God-Emperor, their hearts might literally stop.”

Receiving Fiore’s pleading look, Gald tried to mediate between us with a disheartened look on his face. I mean, if he told me that, I had no choice but to back down. Still, it kinda felt like I was being left out.

Maybe I should start going around under an alias. Like a mysterious Saintess or something.

“Uh, so then, just when we were talking about going to find him, Master returned on an emu.”
“And?”
“…He was obviously acting strange. Just wrong.”
“???”

Fiore struggled to explain, so Mia stepped in.

“It’ll be faster to show you. Joey is currently at the healing ward attached to the guild.”

The guild HQ was practically a castle, with facilities like a training ground, stables, magic labs, and even a detention center.

The healing ward is one of them. As long as you’re a member of the Adventurer’s Guild and pay your membership fees, you’re given preferential treatment, and since they deal with adventurers who fight on the front lines, their technologies are cutting-edge.

Getting hospitalized there means you’re in need of some high-level healing technologies… Wait, is Joey actually in a serious condition?

Suddenly anxious, I stood up and hurried after Mia as she led the way.