Translator:	Author:	Original Source:
MJCross	Cat’s Glasses	SFACG

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Your bro turned into a girl and confessed to you. What do you do? Urgent, waiting online.

Even though we were playing video games, my mind was completely elsewhere.

I kept drifting off into wild thoughts, even picturing myself and Xiao Lei growing old together with silver hair, surrounded by kids and grandkids.

…What am I even thinking?

Because of this, I kept messing up in the game, prompting Zhao Lei to complain.

“Come on, Boss! How are you failing such an easy QTE? What the hell are you doing?”

Seriously, and whose fault did she think it was that I couldn’t concentrate?!

Anyway, time passed like that, and before we knew it, it was already 10 PM. The game hadn’t made much progress, but our mission for the night still had to proceed as planned.

Peeking out from the balcony, I saw that my dad’s room was already dark, he seemed to already be asleep. With that, Zhao Lei and I slipped out into the night, carefully sneaking our way out the door.

With my thick-rimmed glasses broken, wearing sunglasses at night wasn’t an option either. So I had no choice but to go out with my face completely exposed.

Luckily, most people in the village went to bed early, so there was no one around.

Still, just walking outside without my glasses gave me an odd sense of nakedness.

Since my house was already pretty close to the village entrance, and we didn’t want to risk missing Uncle Feng packing up, we jogged the whole way. Soon, we reached the last turn before his food stall.

Zhao Lei was crouched at the corner, sneaking a look ahead, while I stayed a little further back, keeping watch from a safe distance.

Through my earpiece, I heard Zhao Lei’s voice, deliberately lowered for effect.

“MIC TEST, MIC TEST. 07,07, I am 01, I am 01, do you copy¹ ?”

Wow, this reference was so old. Was she secretly some middle-aged man from the last generation?

Of course, we didn’t actually have walkie-talkies or any fancy spy gear—just a voice chat app on our phones.

“Yellow River, Yellow River, this is Sewer. Please report your status.”

“Sewer, Sewer, this is Toilet. Target confirmed. No signs of movement.”

… I really wanted to roast her for naming herself after a toilet, but a true gentleman knows when to hold back.

“Xiao Lei, what’s the situation? Is Old Feng still serving customers?”

“X-Xiao Lei?!”

Hearing me update my way of addressing her, Zhao—no, Xiao Lei—nearly screamed. I could practically hear her voice outside the headset.

“Shhh! Keep it down, or someone might hear you! Also, that’s just a nickname format like Haitang’s, right? You don’t have to get so excited over it.”

“Just being treated like a girl makes me kind of happy.”

From where I stood, I could even see her blushing and fidgeting shyly…

Her honesty was charming, but would she still feel that way once she turned back into Zhao Zhao?

“Ahem. So, what’s the situation?”

“Old Feng is sitting behind the stall, looks like he’s smoking. There’s still one table of customers… uh… oh crap.”

Xiao Lei suddenly cursed and shrank back into the corner, looking tense.

“Hey, girls shouldn’t be saying things like ‘oh crap’—wait a sec, why are you shaking?”

From my position, I couldn’t see the food stall, so I had no idea what she had just seen to freak out like this. The village was well-lit, so it wasn’t like this was some horror story setting where she’d suddenly run into a ghost… right?

Xiao Lei looked like a frightened little deer, nervously glancing around, refusing to look back toward the food stall.

“Commander, mission aborted. Let’s call it off for tonight.”

“I mean, sure, we can cancel… but why?”

She pressed a hand against the wall, slowly squatting down, then muttered into the mic with a shaky voice.

“My mom… my mom is there, eating supper with Aunt Wang and the others… If Old Feng isn’t cooking anymore, that means they’re almost done. And this is the only way back home. If they see me, I’m dead.”

…Dead? Just what kind of existence did she think her mom was? Diablo?

Since Zhao Zhao wasn’t going home tonight, I guess his mom took the chance to gather some neighbors for a late-night meal.

“Don’t panic. You’re not Zhao Zhao right now—you’re Xiao Lei! Even if you walked right up to your mom and introduced yourself, she wouldn’t believe you.”

I mean, come on, who’d believe their son suddenly turned into a girl overnight?

But Xiao Lei wasn’t convinced. If anything, she looked even more terrified.

Having spent over a decade under the brutal reign of the former empress, she had learned to fear her mother. She had practically developed Stockholm syndrome from all the beatings.

“Boss, help me! My legs won’t move!”

The way she whimpered made my heart skip a beat—damn it, why did her voice have to sound so soft and cute when she was scared?

I didn’t know much about Zhao Zhao’s life at home, and from my limited interactions with his mom, she didn’t seem that terrifying. I always thought she was just a tough but fair parent, and that Zhao Zhao usually deserved his punishments.

So why was someone as fearless as Zhao Zhao acting like a helpless little lamb right now?

Instead of comforting her, I asked, “Are you always like this at home?”

“As long as I don’t mess up, I’m fine. My mom is still reasonable.”

“Then what did you do wrong now?”

“Staying out past curfew is already a huge mistake! And I’m wearing girl’s clothes! If she finds me like this, I’m dead for sure!”

I could hear her teeth chattering through the mic. She was completely shutting down, probably even forgetting whether she was supposed to be Xiao Lei or Zhao Zhao at this point.

“Hiding won’t help if you don’t know their exact movements. Just take another look and check if they’re still eating.”

Summoning her courage, she peeked out again—only to shrink back immediately, trembling harder than before.

“They finished eating! They’re walking this way! Commander, help! I can’t move!”

I saw her stretch out a hand toward me, pleading for rescue.

I scratched my head, frustrated.

How the hell was I supposed to save her? If I ran up to her now, I’d be the one getting recognized first!

But if she just sat there, shaking like a leaf, she’d definitely get noticed. And then, who knew what kind of chaos would unfold?

So this is what Lü Bu felt at White Gate Tower²… no way out.

Hearing the loud chatter of approaching middle-aged women, I made a split-second decision.

I dashed from my hiding spot to Xiao Lei’s corner.

“Don’t panic. Stand up—now.”

I grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her to her feet. But it was too late to run, and her oversized shoes weren’t made for sprinting.

Hearing Mama Zhao’s voice getting closer, I had no choice.

I pulled Xiao Lei into my arms, wrapped my arms around her delicate neck, and turned our backs to the approaching figures.

“Hold on to me.” I whispered near her ear.

She slipped her arms under mine, clinging to my back, pressing her entire body against me.

For someone who used to be a giant, she was now the same height as me. Face-to-face, eye-to-eye, I could smell the faint fragrance of her shampoo, and my heart started racing.

Xiao Lei, meanwhile, had lost all trace of her earlier panic. Instead, her cheeks flushed a soft pink, and a hazy look filled her big, bright eyes.

We just stared at each other, neither speaking.

In the end, I lost the staring contest—I turned my head away.

“Sorry, this was the only thing I could think of.”

“I know.” Xiao Lei smiled, then grabbed my chin, forcing me to look back at her.

And then… she started leaning in.

I panicked, instinctively pulling away.

But she only pressed her forehead against mine and whispered, “Don’t move. My mom’s here.”

Behind us, the aunties’ chatter floated through the night air.

“Ah, young people these days are so romantic~”
“Back in our time, we never had it this good for dating.”
“That girl is so tall. She should find an even taller guy to match her.”

Well, sorry for being short. What do you want me to do? I’m suffering too, okay?

“Like the Zhao’s boy—he’d be a good fit.”
“Oh, please. My son is better off not going around ruining nice girls.”

That had to be Mama Zhao’s voice. Honestly, I couldn’t agree more.

Even Xiao Lei subtly nodded along… Wait, aren’t you talking about yourself?

“That boy kinda looks like the Chang’s kid.”

“No way. Chang’s kid is with my boy tonight.”

Sorry, Zhao Mom. I appreciate you covering for me, but I’ve failed your expectations.

As the aunties’ voices faded into the distance, I finally let out a breath of relief.

“Alright, they’re gone. I swear, my heart nearly jumped out of my chest.”

Xiao Lei, still leaning weakly against me, looked up with her face flushed like a half-ripe peach.

“I was just as nervous. If anyone was going to get recognized, it’d be me.”

“Boss, thanks for that. If you hadn’t rushed over and held me, I really wouldn’t have known what to do.”

“No need to thank me. My job tonight was to keep you safe. And compared to you taking those hits for me earlier, this is nothing—”

“Mwah~”

Before I could finish, Xiao Lei suddenly stood up straight and, completely catching me off guard, planted a quick kiss on my cheek.

“A reward for my loyal knight~ Or… is it because I’m Zhao Zhao that you don’t like it?”

She clasped her hands behind her back and playfully winked at me.

I stared at her, struggling to connect this mischievous, feminine girl with the best friend I had known for years.

Wait… what did Zhao Zhao even look like again? Why can’t I picture his face all of a sudden?

“It’s not that I don’t like it… it’s just a little complicated.”

“Mhm, I get it. I can imagine exactly what you’re feeling right now.”

Xiao Lei nodded as if she truly understood.

“But, uh… Commander, about that rifle of yours. Mind telling it to calm down? It’s been pressing against my leg since you hugged me… and it’s kinda warm.”

“Huh? HUH?!”

At some point, Little Chang Kai had reached NP 200%—fully charged and ready to fire.

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Footnotes:

Original Text
MIC TEST，MIC TEST，洞拐洞拐，我是洞幺，我是洞幺，收到请回答。
In which 洞=0 幺=1 拐=7
The most direct origin of this meme is the 1986 film The Black Cannon Incident directed by Huang Jianxin. The movie features an absurd radio communication scene with the following dialogue:
“洞幺洞幺，我是洞拐，收到请回答！”
“洞拐洞拐，我是洞幺，请讲！”
Deepseek really saves me on translations like these…
Reference to Battle of Xiapi from era of Three Kingdoms