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Note: This chapter was originally numbered 40.5, but since it happens during chapter 41, I changed it to 41.5.

-At Ayumu’s funeral.

“Ugh~, sob…Ayumu~…”

In the funeral hall, Mika was stifling her sobs. She cried, her heart still not having accepted the reality of the sudden death of the one she loved.

“Why did you die… We promised we’d get married…!”

While that promise had been made more than 12 years ago, Mika lived in the steadfast belief that it would happen in the future. One of them would confess… and then they’d marry. She was convinced it would have happened soon.

“No… it can’t be. This must be some joke. No~…”

With the voice reciting the sutras in the background, Mika was the one among the crowd of crying people, who had been plunged into the deepest despair.

“Big Sis…”

Sakura, Mika’s sister, grabbed the latter’s hand and rubbed it gently.

-The day after the funeral (three days after Ayumu’s death).

“…”

With the cremation and interment of the ashes over, they were on their way home from the funeral hall. Mika was no longer speaking. It was as if her tears had run dry, after having cried more than ever in her life over those few days.

Her family didn’t try to cheer her up. It was a deliberate act, since they could see in just how much grief she was.

The next day after returning home would be a holiday, but all members of their families prepared to return to their own sad normal days. Mika’s feelings, however, were anything but normal. She still hadn’t accepted Ayumu’s death and kept staring at the photo album filled with her memories with him, while hugging the plushy she had gotten from him. The tears that should’ve run dry came back. She bawled again.

-Four days after Ayumu’s death.

Mika’s change for the worse from that point on came gradually, like water permeating a stone.

At first, she would no longer leave her room. When Sakura tried listening through the door, she could hear laughter and crying, and the sounds of someone rolling around on the floor. It was true, Mika was laughing.

“Eh-heh-heh, Ayumu, do you like me?”
“I do.”
“Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh. I also like you a lot!”

With the bear plushy she’d gotten from Ayumu in her hands, Mika was performing a one-woman-show, never listening to the words of her parents or Sakura, only eating a little of the dinner they brought her, and merely showering when she felt like it. Her madness started little by little.

“*Squeeze*… How does it feel? I have a big chest, right? You don’t hate that, do you, Ayumu? I-I am yours, so you can do whatever you want, you know?”
“No, it’s still too early for that…”
“Eh-heh~, don’t tell me you’re embarrassed! Geez… geez… Sheesh!!”

In the middle of her monodrama, Mika suddenly violently threw the plushy she’d been holding against the wall. Then, she buried her face in her pillow and sobbed loudly.

-Five days after Ayumu’s death.

Sunday was over, and School started again. Kanata and Sakura were still gripped by sorrow, but they had no choice but to go. For Mika, the idea of going to school never even crossed her mind.

She snuck into the neighboring house, after making sure that Ayumu’s parents weren’t in his room. As a matter of fact, both Mika and Ayumu had come and gone to the other’s room through the window of their opposite rooms on a regular basis, so she knew the window was unlocked.

She set up camp in the middle of the room, which hadn’t been emptied out yet and was almost the same as Ayumu had left it, and took a very deep breath.

“It’s Ayumu’s smell! Ayumu… Eh-heh-heh.”

She sniffed his pillow, his school unforms, and other things until she was satisfied. Ayumu, who’d been methodical in keeping his room clean, always stored away his things in the same places, and Mika knew all of them. She opened a drawer of his cabinet. There, she took out several sets of underwear and socks, holding them, as if they were something precious.

Suddenly, she noticed something under the bed. It was a thin book. She rifled through it.

“…Oh, so that’s what Ayumu likes. I had no idea… If he had only told me, I would’ve…”

After reading for a bit, Mika got flustered and was about to return the book to where she found it… but then changed her mind and decided to take it back with her. After burying her face in Ayumu’s pillow, as if to immerse herself in memories with him, she returned to her room. Once she was there, she tore up Ayumu’s hidden book, full of rage that the subjects depicted in it weren’t her¹. Rather than throwing away the pieces, she stored them in an empty box.

-Eight days after Ayumu’s death.

Mika went to his room on that day, too. She’d snuck in regularly to play with the clothes he had worn and memorabilia of their time together. When she searched his storage shelf, Mika discovered a tin box. She got curious, so she opened it.

“Wow!”

In there were small articles she had gifted him for his birthday or at year’s end. There were also pictures from when they were children, and other things.

“That’s wonderful… it wasn’t just the clothes; he kept all these things! This makes me nostalgic, it’s from the time we went to Japan Universal²…!”

While picking up each article, Mika thought back on her memories with Ayumu. After going through everything, she closed the lid on the box and put it back where she found it.

“…Ayumu… where are you?” She continued searching for the absent boy. “Even though there are all these memories… why aren’t you here too, Ayumu? Where are you? At this point, I’ll do anything for you, you know? If you want to play video games, I won’t get angry if it’s one we can play together. We could even kiss or do stuff like in that book! Hey, where are you? Ayumu…”

Mika looked in the direction of her own room.

“Maybe he’s hiding in my room? Geez, Ayumu…”

Coming up with a completely different conjecture, Mika took action and returned to her room. There, she continued searching.

“He isn’t here either…? Ayumu~… don’t be so mean and come out. I… I will no longer tell you to stop playing video games… Erm, I won’t say harsh things either! So, can’t you come out?”

This was to be expected, but there was no reply.

“E-Erm, as a matter of fact, I’ve always… Ayumu? Oh, Ayumu!”

Mika jumped with her eyes wide open. Towards the only mirror in her room.

“Ayumu! Ayumu! You idiot! I’ve been searching for days! …Did your hair get longer?” she asked her own reflection.

“Hm~… Oh, I got it!”

Mika suddenly brought out a pair of scissors and a picture of the boy from the drawer of her study desk.

“Let’s see… it was like this, wasn’t it?”

*Snip*

She used the scissors to cut off her own hair.

“Alright, that’s how it should look! Geez… Yours and your brother’s hair seriously grows fast, Ayumu!”

*Snip*
*Snip*

Carefully, carefully, Mika cut her own hair, so it would have the same shape as Ayumu’s used to have. She cut short her long, black, silky hair, which everyone had envied. Mika, however, looked rather satisfied.

“Eh-heh-heh… Yeah, that’s the normal Ayumu! Ayumu, I noticed something after you were gone for several days.”

As a matter of fact, considering Ayumu’s face looked like that of a pretty girl, it greatly resembled Mika’s, who was a pretty girl. Likely because of that, Mika convinced herself that Ayumu was on the other side of the mirror, and went to unload all the confessions and complaints that had piled up over these days.

“-that’s… that’s why. I accidentally ended up tearing that lewd book that was so important to you to pieces… I’m sorry. B-But what if I tell you, that you’ll have me in exchange from now on…? Eh-heh-heh, you say, you can’t do something like that to me? Ayumu, I love you! No need to hold back-”

-Ten days after Ayumu’s death.

Sakura was in a panic. Her older sister, whom she hadn’t seen in two days, suddenly cut off her hair and yelled excitedly, “Ayumu came back!”. She asked Kanata, Ayumu’s younger brother, and her parents to persuade Mika, but they didn’t have any success. Her parents even barged into Mika’s room and tried to reason with her, but she persisted on “Ayumu is here”.

It was like she had gone insane. From what they told her, Mika refused to move away from the mirror. She had even stopped eating. From her room, the sounds of a single person having a pleasant conversation could be heard.

As a final resort, Sakura decided to turn to Shuu.

“Please… can’t you do anything?”
“Alright.”

Shuu was at the Magarigi household, at the door to Mika’s room.

“Mika. It’s me.”
“…Hm? Oh, Shuu! I haven’t seen you in a while… But I’m sorry, I’m in the middle of something with Ayumu. If you want to play, could you come back tomorrow? Right, Ayumu?”

Ayumu’s voice couldn’t be heard. Shuu judged that Mika’s case was severe and sat down in front of the door.

“Mika, you haven’t come to school recently.”
“School…? Oh, school! I was busy playing with Ayumu, so I completely forgot about it… Today was no school, right?”
“Nope, there was.”
“Huh… that can’t be! Well… not like it matters.”

It seemed like Mika no longer cared about school. From the start, it was something Mika attended because she went there and back together with Ayumu.

“This ain’t good. They’re all worried, y’know?”
“Hah~. About that, to be honest, it’s not like I care about anyone there except for you and Ayumu. They say they’re worried… do they? They’re probably just keeping up appearances. I’ll rest for a while longer.”
“Listen, Ayumu is gone.”
“He’s not!!!!” Mika screamed, likely since this was a forbidden topic for her. “He’s here, in front of my eyes! Come and take a look, he is here!”
“I’m comin’ in, then…”
“Go ahead.”

Shuu opened the door. Although the room wasn’t messy, he could see piles of folded clothes, which Ayumu used to wear, here and there. But most importantly.

“Mika… What’s with that appearance…”
“Hm? Is something wrong?”

Mika was draped in the garments Ayumu used to wear. This was something only she knew, but everything up to her underwear and socks were things Ayumu wore when he was cross-dressing. For a moment, Mika appeared like Ayumu to Shuu.

“Right? I told you he’s here?”
“…He ain’t!”
“What nonsense are you saying? He is right here!”

She pointed at the mirror. All that was reflected there were Shuu and Mika, who was wearing a costume that made her look like a boy in girls’ clothes.

“That’s a mirror.”
“Huh?”
“That. Is. A. Mirror!!” Shuu shouted in anger.
“He’s here… Ayumu is here…!” Mika protested. “Get out! Ayumu is here! You’re his friend, aren’t you!? Can’t you see it? If you can’t, get out!”
“…Gotcha, I’ll be back tomorrow.”

-13 days after Ayumu’s death.

“…Why do you come here every day?”
“It’s ’cause you keep sayin’ Ayumu’s alive.”

Mika looked at Shuu with an exasperated expression. He looked back at her seriously.

“Hey… Ayumu is here, you know?”
“Is he now. That beloved Ayumu of yours, was he the kind of guy who restrained the girl he loved at home and kept her from goin’ to school?”
“…!!” Mika glared at Shuu. “Ayumu… he’s…”
“C’mon, Mika, will you give it a rest already? What would Ayumu think if he saw you like that? You know that, don’t you? Simply from bein’ with him every day.”
“Ugh…”

Shuu held out his hand.

“If you want him to find peace in the afterlife, you’ll have to start by goin’ back to school, y’know? You get it, don’t you? Ayumu is gone.”

Mika nodded. Then, she cried.

Before she knew it, all had come back, and she bawled as if to empty her body of all liquid, while burying her face in Ayumu’s pillow. She kept crying and screaming, making her despair known, and finally decided to go back to school the next day. She reasoned she had to live for Ayumu, so she could face him when the time came.

Although… she never made it there.

TL notes:
Recently, there were more and more hints about Mika falling into madness after Ayumu’s death, and here we finally get the whole story.

I don’t know enough about dealing with grief to have an educated opinion, but I think Mika’s parents should have sought professional help when it became clear that she was denying reality. This may be another case of Japanese refusing to deal with mental illness, although it might also be due to the whole family still being in shock.

1. Would she have been happier if it was full of nudes from her taken in secret?
2. The original is ユニバアサンジャパン (unibaasenjapan). The first part might be a misspelled “universal” or something else, not sure.

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