|Author: Hoshikuzu Ponpon||Original Source: Syosetu||Character Count: 8707 characters|
|Translator: Richie||English Source: Re:Library||Word Count: 4248 words|
You can even be sentenced to death by your favorite girl… in such a space where fear and madness mixed together, my heart screamed out.
It’s coming out, it is really coming out, my stomach hurt.
My mind was dominated by an invader called bowel movement.
I’m Futsu Jintarou, an extremely normal high school student. I’m 16 year old, attending my first year of high school.
My appearance is normal, my academic performance is average, my athleticism is ordinary.
How did such an average person like me end up in this kind of predicament… why was I forced to choose?
Toilet, or death.
ⓢⓗⓘⓣ, ⓢⓗⓘⓣ! Why must I take a ⓢⓗⓘⓣ!?
In the face of my biggest junction in life, I put the situation in perspective while trying to hold it in to death to the point that my head went blank.
Even though it was the end of July, and it was hot and humid, I was drenched from head to toe in cold sweat. And in front of me stood a fair-looking, beautiful girl.
Yes, I have decided to call her, Miyanouchi Akane, to meet me in order to confess my love to her.
I had come this far… should I go to the bathroom in disgrace, or should I leak out in front of my loved one, and have the mental death sentence bestowed upon me?
Every day felt as mundane as the day before. Slowly but surely, I felt like I was stretched thinner and thinner, as if I was slowly dying.
I thought this would allow me to escape from those mundane days, but who would have thought that I was about to fall down from mediocrity to the bottom of the heap like this?
A few minutes earlier――――
The graduation ceremony has ended. The surrounding students were either going home or hanging out in the school grounds.
The students walking down the corridor who looked like they were having fun gave me a sidelong glance, me who were standing unmovingly like a soldier, waiting for someone. Why was I waiting, you ask? Of course, to confess.
I don’t know for how long I have waited.
But, I know I was feeling uncomfortable by my white shirt that was sticking to me because of the sweat. Added with the strain from my nervousness, they were slowly wrecking my body.
Worse still, it seemed like the heat was making me feeling unwell. My stomach hurt.
I really wanted to go the toilet.
This was bad.
In the face of the unbearable mounting pressure, I thought about going to the toilet for a moment.
Right at that moment, I heard the sound of a female classmate who, while running out of breath, was running up the staircase.
That voice can’t be mistaken. It was the girl that even bothered to spare her time for me.
The moment out eyes met, the undesirable and hellish stomach pain disappeared as if it had been a lie.
The one in front of me was the person, who was embodied the personification of pretty face and attractive figure, I was going to confess to.
She was Miyanouchi Akane.
Her skin was as white as a chinaware, it was even whiter than my sweaty white shirt that was turning yellow.
Her round and cute eyes were shiny, unlike my sluggish and dispassionate eyes.
And more than anything, slightly floral smell were wafting from her glossy, jet black hair, which was cut evenly on her shoulders. On the contrary, the smell that were wafting from my sweat drenched hair was equal to the smell of trash, it would be forbidden to approach it.
She was at the top of the class hierarchy, and was also kind and caring. She even apologized to me first before anything else.
“Did I make you wait? I’m really sorry! I was helping cleaning up the club room, and it was already late before I knew it. I heard from Kouya-kun and Yuuki-kun1… that you are really worried about something?”
Whether or not she had guessed my intention, it weren’t showing on her expression.
However, when I saw those earnest eyes, I think I may have some chance to succeed.
I kept a lid on my feelings and handled this calmly.
“No, it wasn’t something that big. Thank you for sparing some time for someone like me.”
She slowly shook her head.
“No, that’s not true, you’re not being a bother. Jintarou-kun is a classmate after all. We should be lending a hand to someone in need, right? I will listen to whatever you have to say. What happened? Is someone bullying you?”
That’s not it. I awkwardly smiled back as a reply.
She tilted her head, a sight I found beautiful. We continued to talk as she displayed a serious expression.
“Don’t push yourself. Be honest, okay? It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone. I like everyone in the class after all. We are about to welcome summer vacation, so don’t we want to welcome brand new feelings too? Despite how I look, I won’t go down easily in a fight.”
After hearing those words, I reaffirmed myself, she was definitely cute. Good, dependable, and a beautiful girl that was adored by everyone in the class. Amongst all boys who had fallen in love with her, I was one of them.
If we were to using theater casting analogy, whereas she played the role of a princess, I played the role of passerby A, the most inconspicuous amongst the mob characters. Or no, her spotlight operator… not even a character anymore. Or perhaps not even in charge of anything, simply someone standing in the crowd. Imagine if I were to confess to the princess role on stage. I would be seen as a suspicious individual, apprehended by security, and ejected.
The fact that I could confess to her without being “a suspicious individual”, and get the push I needed to confess, were thanks to two of my best friends, Yuuki and Kouya. It was thanks to the guidance of those two that she came here.
For them, and for me, I couldn’t shrink back now.
I, who had resolved my will, opened my mouth.
“Actually, the thing that I am worried about… well, I wonder if it can be considered as a concern… there’s something I have always wanted to tell you for a long time.”
I started by telling her that I have fallen in love at first sight with her ever since I entered high school, and I began to briefly recount the events that led to it. She widen her eyes in surprise, but she looked to me as I stammered and listened carefully. I might have imagined it, but her cheeks were slightly flushed.
I noticed it, and so my heart started beating so hard I wondered if she heard it.
I felt an indescribable, pale pink aura enveloping us.
“Mi-Miyanouchi-san greet everyone kindly. I was happy when Miyanouchi-san greeted me. That’s why, I started greeting everyone around me.”
I kept nervousness and embarrassment at bay and overcame them, it was in May, when he exchanged morning and goodbye greetings with Miyanouchi-san.
“That time too, about English homework. I got you to teach me despite you telling me that you will check on me before class.”
When I was in middle school, I wouldn’t have done my homework properly, however, in June, when I realized that homework can be a topic of conversation with Miyanouchi-san, I did it every day without fail.
“I heard that you liked short hair, so I tried to cut my hair short.”
In July, I started to care about my looks, so I spent a lot of effort in my haircut.
I was a little embarrassed when I said that, so I kept prodding on and on and played with a part of my hair where wax have been peeled off by the sweat.
I peeked at her, and I saw she nodded her head slowly, as if she was chewing my words carefully. It was just a small gesture, but my heart had only beat loudly from it.
“I-I did all of that, just so I can speak a few words with you.” I have declared it.
The studying and the exercise, I have never gave as much effort in any of them as this, but.
No one can best my feelings for Miyanouchi-san.
“Is that… all?”
She replied with only that. It’s clear that she was waiting for the next words. And so, I then knew that it was okay for me to say what I was going to say.
The moment I was about to fire the ultimate weapon called love confession, I noticed that something else, something not normal, was about to be fired too.
This is bad. I really need to poop.
Why!? It had been fine up until just a moment ago. I have no idea what on earth could have triggered it.
The unbearable abdominal pain tripped the warning alarm all over my body.
There was no doubt it had already passed the critical stage, and I then have understood that a dangerous material as dangerous as a nuclear warhead was descending through my body.
My despair, starting.
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However, I persevered. I held it off.
I gathered all my strength in my abdomen and tighten my anus.
There’s no room to maintain a facade… but I have to show it, for that I’m a man!
Betting my body and soul, I forced myself to grin widely to keep the hydrogen bomb from making contact with the umeboshi hole.
Vigor, strong spirit, willpower. These will surely be the ones that will lead to victory in the decisive battle.
Peaceful days for me if I win, beheading and head displaying if I lose 2 I have, come, this far… just one more step.
The fact that I had changed, were all because of you.
Singlemindedly wanted to bring out the best of me in front of her, I have made efforts that wasn’t like me at all. I did it desperately.
If I compared myself with the me from the time when I was absorbed in the galge games Kouya lent me, it would look like I have gone through an unimaginable mega evolution.
In order to release myself from the very subtle nickname, “Futsuujin” 3, a nickname that was given to me in middle school, which also sound very similar to my name, Futsu Jintarou. I had worked hard to get here. Although I have yet gotten out of being average, I have the confidence that I can surpass it. She gave me that confidence.
If she get herself in trouble, I will nonchalantly lend her a hand. If she seem bored, I will be a clown to get her to laugh. I can be anything if Miyanouchi-san desire so.
Yes, I will even become a hero4. That’s why, I didn’t want to pull back. There’s no way I could say “Ah, I need to go to the toilet” when things were going this well.
If I had to redo it from the beginning, there’s no way I can get it this good again.
A girl with a heart the size of an ocean like her would even be willing to allow toilet breaks in middle of a confession, but as someone whose heart was even smaller than a toilet seat, I won’t allow it.
Deal with your own problem, huh… Is this what they call a confession?? It was the best. It would be abshurt to shrink away from this. My stomach was already hurting though.5
A-anyway, here I go!
When I was about to lay my confession bare in the early summer breeze.
This was savage. It was really a savage.
The intense pain in my abdomen, which I had suppressed with my strength, came rushing in like a flood.
Toilet or death.
Poop or die.
Thinking so fast that I fried my brain, I made a decision in an instant.
It was, in the end, either a toilet dash or a social death.
As my feet were taking a step towards the bathroom, the land of salvation, my heart cried out the lamentations of my soul…… During the time when my body and my mind were doing completely opposite things, the voices of my two best friends echoed in my head.
‘Jintarou, you have tried really hard to get this far. Now go tell her how you feel.’
It was Yuuki who always smiled to comfort me. Right now, I feel like I want to poop. If I told her this feeling, will you accept it?
Aaah, the green hydrogen bomb was about to fall!
‘We have put every effort into this. However it may end up, make sure to report it to us, okay?’
That was Kouya, the handsome glasses man, who always routinely protected me.
What kind of report do you want! A report detailing how much poop came out?
Do you also want some samples, you glasses freak!
I don’t even understand why I was asking myself these stupid questions anymore.
But the next words that echoed pull me back to my senses.
‘We won’t forgive you if you either rejoice alone, or cry alone.’
‘You have us after all.’
I guess that’s what my best friends wanted to convey to me. The friends who helped by summoning her to the fourth floor’s passageway. People rarely pass by the fourth floor as it was filled with uncommonly used facilities, such as the audiovisual room, the music room, and the science room.
When Yuuki and Kouya arranged for my confession, they offered to help me in any way they could, but I turned them down in an effort to show off my manliness.
The result of that was that Miyanouchi-san and me were together alone.
The result of that was the current situation.
I can’t stop thinking of the consequence of going to the toilet.
It was heart breaking.
Poop or confess!
I have reached a new frontier, and new options were displayed before me.
It only took four seconds after Miyanouchi-san’s question for me to reach this point in my contemplation. Time seemed to flow unusually slow.
I can do this.
I can succeed.
I should not run away.
Every second I used to hesitate was every bit of life of my anus disappearing.
I had only needed to say a few more words.
And I opened my mouth for that, and spoke clearly with force.
“Miyanouchi-san, I am in lo-“pffffffffffffffffffffff, pfffff, pfffffff
My long held feelings were released.
And so was my poop.
An unprecedented feeling of exhilaration shook my mind and body.
“A, a, uh, aaa, AAAAAAAAAAAA!!”
I screamed as I have released a huge amount of stuff out of my ⓐⓢⓢ which I shouldn’t have.
It might have been that the moment I made my confession, I was too forceful and it turned out to be a bad thing.
“Eh, wait, are you oka- Eh, no way! Kyaaaaa!?”
As my feces and urine rushed out together, Miyanouchi-san screamed, and she fell back, fainted.
That was just expected. Can you imagine someone who were confessing until a moment ago would suddenly leak? When I understood that, tears started overflowing.
Sweat has been coming out for a while, and I realized that my body has been covered in bodily fluid from head to toe.
Also, someone’s voice echoed at the same time.
“Eh, what’s with this smell! It’s real bad!”
“Hey, someone call a teacher over!”
The students from the science club and wind ensemble club that haven’t gone home yet have came rushing in droves after hearing my and her screams. The students acted like curious onlookers, surrounding me and her.
Some laughed, some fire all sorts of abusive words. Other than them, there were also those who vomited.
“Call the beautification committee! It’s their job to clean them up, right?”
“You’re kidding me! I don’t want to it!”
I can hear their insults from afar. But, it didn’t matter.
I was in absolute despair, my knees were wobbly, and I only laugh.
As I laughed, my knees gave up. I collapsed into the puddle of filth. My clothes absorbed the filth and got heavier, and so the fresh bodily fluid and offensive smell adhered to my body.
Seared into my mind was the sight of Miyanouchi Akane’s surprised face which she displayed just before she fainted.
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Everything has ended.
Both the confession and my student life.
Even though I have tried my best…
Amidst my dimming consciousness, I suddenly heard the sound of people being shooed away.
“Hey, you people! Get out of the way! I am telling you to move, do you understand!?”
He usually spoke very intellectually, but that violent voice belonged to Kouya. When I lifted my head to see through my dimmed vision, I can see that guy, who was tall enough for me to see through the sea of people, was pushing people away. He hastily pushed away the people to save me.
“Jintarou! Sorry, I took a little time. People are gathering, so I came back from curiosity… Eh, why are you covered in ⓢⓗⓘⓣ!?”
While being amazed, the one who shouldered me, who was being covered in filth, without being worried about being filthy himself, was Yuuki.
“You’re not watching a freak show! It’s early, but the end of term ceremony has ended early, so get the hell out of here!”
Kouya threatened the onlookers by kick flying the trash bin at the corner. The trash bin hit one of them, but Kouya didn’t care and continued to bark.
“Get lost this instant. It will be a fire extinguisher next!”
The onlookers shrink from the fierce Kouya and dispersed immediately.
“Alright… Yuuki, I will explain to the teacher6 who will definitely come. Carry Jintarou to the swimming club’s shower room. I’m guessing that Yuuji and the others are doing independent training, so ask them to lend you the shower room. After that, there’s a jersey in my locker, so take it. I will straighten up the mess here. Oh yeah, we have bring Miyanouchi to the nurse room. I will probably be staying here for a while, so go home first.”
Kouya quickly issued some directions. He was short-tempered, but caring and a spectacularly handsome man.
“Okay then, I will go ahead. Jintarou, you okay? We are going.”
Even while my consciousness was blurry, I nodded.
When Yuuki were carrying me down the stair slowly, Kouya took out his sports drink bottle, and slip it into my bag.
“I almost forgot. Here, take this. You might have lost a lot of fluid earlier, so you may be dehydrated.”
Kouya, if I was born a girl, I might have fallen for you…
Fate is cruel. No, I had the momentum to rise to the top at some point. Where did it go wrong that made me tumble down like that?
Despite that, I was helped by the fact that two of my best friends saved me. Words cannot express how grateful was I to Kouya and Yuuki.
After what had happened, I had received Yuuki’s care, I was given permission to shower in the swimming club’s shower room, and I received Kouya’s jersey.
And after that, I walked home with Yuuki in the commute path to school. My school bag and the bag filled with the ⓢⓗⓘⓣ covered clothes are unusually heavy.
“Well, umm, how should I say this. Don’t fret over it. Everyone fails at some point, right? Well, I don’t think anyone has failed that hard before. Yep, there’s none.”
Yuuki was trying to cheer me up, but I merely stared off to the sky without paying attention to him.
While trudging home, we reached a scramble intersection on the main street. Just straight of us, I saw the news ticker on a giant TV hanging on a wall of a large department store across the street.
“Spreading across the country!? Abrupt sex change incidents.”
“It’s finally starting! A VRMMO that offers a glimpse into the human nature, available soon.”
“Ah, it’s this VRMMO! We played this game as beta testers. Jintarou, let’s play it together, for a change of pace.”
I vaguely responded to Yuuki’s considerations, as I was distracted by the other news.
Lately, it came up a lot.
I’d like to be transformed into a woman, a young girl if possible, and start all over again, not just about what happened today, but everything in the past, without anyone finding out.
What was I doing, thinking about some ridiculous nonsense.
I snapped out of that thoughts, and redirected it to something else.
“Hey, Yuuki, we are friends, right..?”
In response to my question, Yuuki let out a bitter laugh, as if to cover his embarrassment.
“Hah? What are you talking about. If we aren’t friends, then I wouldn’t have carried you that’s covered in ⓢⓗⓘⓣ. I still can’t get rid of this smell. It’s smelly!”
So he said, as he joked and then grimaced when he smelled his uniform.
However, to me, his bitter laugh while joking, which stemmed from his worry as his true feelings towards me, were as dazzling as the sun.
Sweat was about to come out of my eyes again, so I looked away, pretending to look away from the dazzle7.
“Really… thank you.”
Laughing as gently as he always did, Yuuki walked ahead.
“You know, this sort of thing, it’s a little embarrassing, but… I think that friends would take the necessary action at the time. We were doing the same thing today, just like how Jintarou did for us when we were in middle school, right?”
Yuuki turned his head this way and continued walking.
As I saw the back of a dependable close friend, salt water were spilling out of my eyes.
“So that’s why this is normal.”
I cheered up a little from Yuuki’s teasing use of my nickname from before.
Tomorrow was the start of summer holiday. I needed to rehabilitate my heart, so it was just perfect.
I also won’t see Miyanouchi-san face to face.
I also have nothing left to lose. I can only get more.
Right, there’s nothing left to lose…
I sighed to the ceiling.
After I got home, I lied down on my bed in my empty quiet room.
Sighing the second time, I moved my hand, and I somehow accurately grabbed the TV remote.
…it’s really quiet.
As I thought that, I turned on the TV rather than BGM, and a news piece were just rolling in.
“While it is spreading across the country, the cause of the sex change incidents weren’t yet uncovered, but right now, six young boys and girls have been known to have contracted this puzzling condition. As of the government’s policy from now on…”
Sex change huh…
Forcing myself out of my foggy thoughts, I recalled that moment once more, vividly.
I confessed to the girl I liked, and while being nervous and desperate, I leaked ⓢⓗⓘⓣ.
Why didn’t I go to the toilet then, no question asked?
I knew the reason.
There was no way that a sudden bowel movement, could destroy the atmosphere that was the culmination of my little efforts and the place chosen for the confession.
It had been impossible for me to leave and gone to the toilet, then made another confession with a nonchalant expression on my face.
Which one was more important, the confession, or taking a dump?
Of course it was the confession.
I did choose the right choice.
I have done it, I have made my choice.
I made my choice like a heroic man.
Putting up a facade as an upstanding man. Was that the mistake..?
“Geez, turn me into a girl or anything, I don’t care!”
If only that could happen.
I was just poking fun and sniffing at the current trending news about the gender change news.
After the summer vacation, I wondered if my school nickname will be ‘poofession’.8 It's still better than my middle school nickname 'normal person'.
I'm half sulky, half amazed.
The fuckin' tears welled up again.
And again, I face planted on my pillow.
With nothing but despair, I fell into slumber, hanging onto my bed to heal my exhausted spirit, as if to escape reality.
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How long has passed, I wonder.
I was woken up by my phone's alarm and yawned.
Suddenly, a girl's voice, or rather her breath, was heard.
But, that voice was.
My voice was cute?
An awfully sweet voice came out from my mouth.
- Kouya (晃夜) = Clear Night
Yuu (夕) and ki (輝) = Evening and radiance
I just thought of translating these since I am guessing that those two will be the MC’s love interests.
- It is when someone were beheaded, and then their head were stabbed through a spike and displayed to the public.
- 普通人, means ordinary person.
- In Japanese, there are two different words for heroes, 勇者 (Yuusha) and 英雄 (Eiyuu). The former is for those that don’t have any achievement under his belt, and the latter is for those that have at least a big achievement under his belt. This one is the former. Does it matter? Not for this story. Just thought it will be a useful tidbit to share.
As extra explanation, Yuusha has been unmistakably translated into “brave man” by MTL, because they are certainly just a person that brave the threat that everyone else is afraid of despite being normal.
- Here’s an explanation for the pun. If you don’t care, you can go back and continue the story, otherwise:
In the original, it says これで怯むようじゃ片腹痛いというものだ。腹はマジで痛いけど。In this sentence, 片腹痛い means absurd, while 腹はマジで痛い means my stomach is really in pain.
You get it? Now you understand this a terrible pun, made for me by my friend. In case you want to know what I came up with myself:
“It was the best. It would be absurd to shrink away from this. The men who didn’t have any chance would punch me in the gut from jealousy. My stomach was already in pain though.” My original version that predates both of these would be “Deal with your own problem, huh… Is this what they call a confession?? It was the best. It would be absurd to flinch from this. My stomach would be in for an intense pain if I flinch from this. My stomach is really in pain though.”
Comment below which one you like better.
- It was written as senko rather than sensei. Senko is a derogatory version of sensei, used to disrespect teacher. I don’t know why Kouya would use this word though.
- In all honesty, you’re the only one who saw the dazzle, so you weren’t fooling anyone but yourself.
- Or as I say it, poop confession.