Author: Inukai Anzu | Original Source: Kakuyomu | Word Count: 3718 characters |
Translator: Mui | English Source: Re:Library | Word Count: 1464 words |
Editor(s): Fire |
In a word, it was chaos.
A wooden table, a white sofa, and a light blue futon. The rug was long-piled, and tickled slightly when you put your feet on it. The furniture arrangement was nothing short of a mess. If I invited friends over, they’d probably mock me endlessly. But right now, I felt this room suited me. It was like a child’s toy box, filled with things I wanted or had been recommended.
“How should I put it, it has a good sense?”
“More like nonsense, don’t you think?”
“Don’t say that yourself.”
Inazuki said this as she lay down on my bed, as usual.
“The smell of a new futon is nice, isn’t it? It feels so clean.”
“Really? Let me smell it too.”
I sat down next to her as the bed creaked. Inazuki wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me down.
Dust faintly danced in the air, carrying Inazuki’s scent. That sweet smell, more distinct than the new futon’s scent, dulled my mind slightly.
“…I can’t smell the futon like this.”
I felt Inazuki’s presence behind me. The soft, warm sensation was more comforting than the futon.
Our sense of distance felt strange.
We could be considered close friends, but there was still so much I didn’t know about her, and the emotional distance between us was miles apart. Yet, physically, we were closer than anyone else. I often found myself so close to her that I could feel her breath, her scent and her warmth, all etched into my memory. I felt like I might forget my own body temperature.
It scared me a little.
If Inazuki’s body heat mixed with mine became my normal, losing it would be unbearable. Having nothing meant no fear of loss, which is freeing. But what she had given me had already taken root, and I found myself clinging to it.
Even though I knew we’d have to part someday.
“It’s soaked into my body. Smell it.”
I turned around within her arms.
This position felt really weird, hugging each other face-to-face on the bed and sniffing each other. It was quite perverse, or maybe just strange. But Inazuki didn’t seem to mind being sniffed. If there really was a previous timeline, maybe Inazuki and I had been in such a relationship from early on. I entertained such a thought. Despite all this thinking, the fact that I was rubbing my nose against her neck made me feel like I was the most perverse one.
“See, you can smell it, right?”
I couldn’t smell the futon.
Her flushed face after a bath, the gaze from her moist eyes, and the slightly stronger scent of her shampoo. When all these things came together, nothing else registered in my mind. It wasn’t just my senses. It felt like my entire world was being dyed by Inazuki.
Hugging, gazing at each other, exchanging words—was it because it was Inazuki that this made me feel like I might go crazy?
My chest felt heavy, and my heart, crushed by the weight, pounded loudly. The sound of our hearts overlapping between our chests surely created a special resonance, unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I couldn’t actually hear it, though; only my own heartbeat echoed in my body.
It was a bit loud.
“I don’t really get it.”
“Maybe you’ll understand if you get closer.”
She held my head and guided me toward her body.
My nose felt like it was buried in her soft skin. The sensations didn’t change. Inazuki gently stroked my head. As she combed through my hair, her body heat seemed to transmit directly to my brain. I could feel her pulse where we touched.
Thump, thump, thump.
The heartbeat that should have been quiet and steady was terribly erratic, completely at odds with her gentle, delicate touch.
Why is your heart beating so fast, Inazuki?
It had to be louder than mine. I quietly lifted my face.
“You smell like brand new Iroha.”
“…Um.”
“You smell like Iroha, who hasn’t worn out.”
She buried her face in my hair.
I had just taken a bath, but I wished she’d stop. It was embarrassing to be smelled by someone, even though I’d been smelling her.
“I’m not the sole of a shoe, so I won’t wear out.”
“You will. You’ll wear down, change shape, and eventually crack and shatter into pieces.”
Was she really talking about a person?
“I liked that version of you too, Iroha, but I also like the current you. You’re like clear glass that hasn’t been fogged up yet.”
Was this some kind of cryptic message?
If I was brand new now, did that mean the Iroha she knew was the worn-down version of me?
No. Even now, I wasn’t so pristine that I could be called new, without scars or blemishes.
“I’m not new at all. I’m a bit envious.”
“Inazuki…”
Inazuki sometimes seemed very lonely. I didn’t know where her loneliness came from. That’s why any comfort I could offer would probably be meaningless.
I knew that, but still…
“To me, Inazuki, you’re always new, vivid, and beautiful.”
“Ugh. What—what’s with you all of a sudden?”
I gently lifted myself up and looked down at her. Her eyes met mine, showing a hint of confusion.
So, she could make that face too.
Another new expression of Inazuki etched itself into the pages of my memory. My mind was filled with countless images of her, all vivid enough to recall instantly. My current relationship with Inazuki was like a fleeting dream. Even so, this sweet and dizzying dream was something I needed right now.
“I just felt like saying it. I don’t know how you feel, but I don’t think of you as worn out, Inazuki.”
That probably wasn’t the issue.
The loneliness nesting inside her was likely something my current self couldn’t erase. But I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t convey what I wanted to say now. So, I spoke without holding back.
“I want to know more about you, Inazuki.”
I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. But what kind of information about Inazuki did I really want to know? Her favorite food. Her favorite place. Her hobbies. Would knowing these things bring me closer to her heart?
I wanted to know more about Inazuki and close the emotional distance between us. However, I didn’t know how to get closer to someone’s heart. No matter how much I conveyed my feelings or learned about her, I felt like nothing would change.
Even so, I wanted to know, and I wanted to tell her. Because it was something I could only do now.
“I still don’t know much about you, Inazuki. …Isn’t that the purpose of tonight’s sleepover?”
“You’re right.”
Inazuki smiled and sat up abruptly. I rolled off her stomach and landed on the bed.
A fresh scent wafted up. It was the smell of the new futon she had mentioned, distinct from the scent I had picked up from her body. The new scent would eventually mix with mine and fade away.
If our hearts came close enough to touch, would mine and Inazuki’s blend together and change into something neither of us were now?
I wanted to see Inazuki’s heart up close, so close I could feel her breath.
“Alright then. I’ll bring out the gift to celebrate the completion of your room.”
“A gift?”
“Wait here.”
She bustled out of the room.
“As expected, Inazuki is Inazuki.”
I didn’t know her fully, but I knew her still.
Always busy, always cheerful, always a bit lonely. She would pull me along and give me all sorts of things. She would give me things like furniture or a sense of peace.
I gently touched the table. The cold feeling was different from hers, but it was comforting. Everything she gave me had something that warmed my heart.
Was there anything I could give back?
What I had received from her was too significant to be repaid by simply playing along with her bizarre statements. This room was filled with things given to me by Inazuki. A vase on the table held flowers she had given me. The furniture, the decorations, even my current feelings—none of them would exist without her.
Just being here warmed my heart and brought me a sense of calm.
“I brought it, Iroha.”
She returned to the room carrying a large paper bag.
My room had changed a bit with the newly arranged furniture. Was this really something worth celebrating? I wasn’t sure, as I had little experience in celebrating anything.
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