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“Amakawa. A–ma–ka–wa–.”

I suddenly realized I had been spacing out when someone roughly shook my shoulder. Chise was giving me a puzzled look.

“You’ve been out of it since this morning. Did something happen?”

Chise narrowed her eyes as she asked. It was just like her not to show any sign of concern in situations like this.

“Just a little something.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You’ve always been a bit absent-minded, but today it’s worse than usual.”
“What do you mean, ‘absent-minded’?”
“Absent-minded is absent-minded. Looking at you now, you can’t really argue with that, can you?”

Chise sat down in the seat next to mine, crossing her legs without a care. I could almost see up her skirt, but she never really worried about things like that.

Maybe that’s why we got along so well—she didn’t sweat the small stuff or pry too much.

I had a few close friends, but Chise was the one I was closest to right now. I often hung out at her place, and at school, we spent a lot of time together.

Our interests didn’t exactly match, but we still got along. It was that kind of relationship.

I wondered how things were with Inazuki. I didn’t know much about her hobbies, but I figured we got along. If we didn’t, I probably wouldn’t want to be around her.

“Anyway, are you free at the end of the year? Come over to my place.”
“Wait. Wouldn’t it be rude to visit during the New Year?”
“Do you think anyone in my family has the ability to feel ‘rude’? My little sis has been pestering me to bring you over. Plus, I want to hang out with you, Iroha. It’s fine, right?”

Chise’s younger sister was fond of me. That made me happy, but visiting someone’s house during the New Year seemed a bit intrusive.

My parents were busy this year and might not even be home for the holidays, but still…

“Unless you have plans?”
“Well…”

I didn’t have any.

My parents had mentioned they would make time for Christmas, but I doubted they’d be home for the New Year.

Inazuki would probably go back to her family for the New Year, leaving me to spend the holiday alone. After getting used to being with Inazuki, I wasn’t sure if I could handle that.

I was afraid because I didn’t know.

“Got it. I’ll go.”
“Alright. Cool. Then come over on the 30th.”

Chise said this casually while inspecting her nails.

I couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy. I didn’t want to intrude on their family time, but I’d already agreed, so there was no turning back.

I wonder…

I wonder if, once I grow up, I’ll be able to let go of the loneliness and worries I’m feeling now and become a new version of myself.

…Probably not.

“By the way, Amakawa, are you actually going home these days?”

Chise knew that I had run away from home. In August, I’d stayed at her place a few times, and at some other friends’ houses as well.

“…Yeah, I’m going home.”
“…Well, alright then. Just don’t let yourself get tricked by some weird guy, okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I’m probably handling that part okay.”
“Alright, but call me if anything comes up.”
“Yeah, thanks.”

My unexpected plans for the end of the year were now set. Chise continued talking, sharing stories about a new shop near the station and some funny things that had happened recently. As I listened, I glanced toward the hallway.

At that moment, my eyes met Inazuki’s who seemed to have been looking at me.

She was talking with some friends, but when she noticed me, she immediately smiled. I froze for a second before returning a small smile.

It’s not like we were hiding our friendship.

We just talked about important things at home, so at school, we focused on friends we couldn’t see outside of it. As a result, we ended up acting like we did before we got close, only talking to our own groups.

If the opportunity arose, maybe we could be closer at school too.

But I didn’t think it was necessary.

Talking with her in the morning at school was enough. I didn’t know how Inazuki felt about that, though.

After school, I decided to head home alone. Chise had something to do, and Inazuki seemed deep in conversation with her friends.

It’s been a while since I’ve gone home alone.

With nowhere else to go, I planned to head straight to Inazuki’s house. Just then, I heard hurried footsteps approaching from behind.

“Iroha! Wait!”

When I turned around, I saw Inazuki running toward me.

If she had just messaged me, I would’ve waited.

“Finally caught up. You know, we’re going back to the same house, so wait up next time.”

Inazuki was panting heavily, trying to catch her breath. She usually had good stamina, so she must have really rushed to catch up.

Feeling a bit sorry for her, I bought a sports drink from a nearby vending machine and handed it to her.

Even just holding the cold drink made my hands chilly, but Inazuki, probably still hot from running, gulped it down eagerly.

Since we’re going back to the same house anyway, she didn’t really need to chase after me like that.

I watched her as she drank.

Her smooth, pale throat moved as she desperately swallowed the liquid, trying to quench her thirst.

I don’t think it was on the level of ‘liking,’ but…

Watching her throat move was kind of enjoyable. I started to understand, just a little, why she once gently touched my throat and said it was beautiful.

The movement of her throat seemed like a vivid sign of life, almost like the beating of a heart.

It was obvious, but Inazuki was alive.

Right in front of my eyes, she was so vibrantly alive.

That vitality felt oddly precious to me.

“Sorry for making you rush. I thought spending time with your friends was important.”
“Nothing’s more important than going home with you, Iroha.”
“You’re exaggerating.”

We didn’t always go home together. Sometimes I’d hang out with Chise, and sometimes Inazuki would go out with her friends.

That was normal, yet today Inazuki had gone out of her way to catch up to me.

I couldn’t help but wonder why she was so desperate to be with me.

I felt my heart grow a little heavier.

“It’s not an exaggeration. Time with you, Iroha, is the most important thing to me… Sure, I have other obligations and stuff, but still.”
“…I see.”

What was Inazuki to me?

She was someone irreplaceable, that much I knew.

But then, so were my parents. My feelings for them had long since withered. I’ve realized that it was impossible to get their attention or their praise.

I wondered if Inazuki was similar.

No matter how much I tried to get closer, I couldn’t seem to, and to wish to stay together forever felt like there was not enough trust or a strong enough bond.

If I stayed with her like this, I feared it would end up just like my relationship with my parents—tiring, dwindling, and eventually bursting like a bubble.

It felt like the more irreplaceable people I had, the more exhausted my heart became.

“That’s why we should go home together.”
“…Okay.”

Inazuki threw the empty bottle into the trash and reached out her hand to me.

Her hand was almost scaldingly hot, so different from my cold one. It felt like if we kept holding hands, our body temperatures would blend, becoming lukewarm.

I wondered if that was okay.

“Iroha, do you have plans for Christmas?”

She gently grasped my hand, as if afraid of something.

“Yeah. Apparently, my parents are coming home… for the first time in a while.”
“Apparently…”

She didn’t start walking.

The cold winter wind blew, making me shiver. But our clasped hands were warm, and only my right hand felt unusually hot, not like me at all. My hand was normally much colder.

“Iroha… Can I ask about your family?”

Inazuki’s voice was quieter than I’d ever heard it before.

This was the first time we’d talked about something like this.

I didn’t think talking about my family would make any difference, though.

Whether I talked about it or not, it probably didn’t make much of a difference. But if I were to talk about it with anyone, maybe it should be Inazuki.

“I never really played with them much when I was little, so I don’t know my dad or mom all that well.”

Saying it out loud, it didn’t seem like a big deal.

Maybe when I grew up, I’d learn to live alone. Even if I was lonely or hurting. I’d get used to calling an empty house my home and naturally say, “I’m home,” even though no one was there to hear it.

That didn’t mean that the current me would just disappear.

“They used to come back for holidays like Obon and New Year’s. But recently, they’ve been even busier, and sometimes they don’t come back at all.”
“And when you ran away from home…”
“Yeah, I guess… it’s embarrassing, but it’s probably because I was lonely. I didn’t want to go back to an empty house. That’s about it.”

I knew it sounded childish.

Being alone shouldn’t be such a big deal.

But because I had spent so much time alone at home, what shouldn’t have bothered me felt overwhelmingly painful.

“But I think I’m lucky. As long as I keep my grades up, I’m free to do what I want. And I get to spend time with you, Inazuki. A lot of my friends tell me they’re jealous too.”

Why was I being so unnecessarily talkative?

There was no need to hide my emotions since I decided to talk about this topic.

Maybe I couldn’t stop being so roundabout because I didn’t want to face the feelings of my heart head-on.

“Going back to an empty house is just something normal when you grow up, so—”

Before I could finish, Inazuki pulled me into a tight embrace, cutting off my words.

She held me so tightly it almost hurt, and she gently rubbed my back.

“Thank you for telling me. But that’s enough.”

Inazuki whispered softly into my ear.

Her warm voice echoed in my cold ear.

“Come home, Iroha.”

Her hair brushed against my cheek.

“After Christmas, anytime you want, just come back to our home. I’ll have a feast and presents ready, waiting for you.”

Coming home.

Was it okay to call it that?

But…

“…Okay.”

I nodded faintly in her arms.

The only person whose warmth I could truly feel was Inazuki. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but the fact that I wanted to go to her house after Christmas… probably meant that I wanted to be with her.

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