This is bad. Seriously bad. In every possible sense.

I mean, I’m a drop-dead gorgeous high school girl now, okay?

What kind of fate awaits someone like me when I get nabbed by a bunch of sewer-rat thugs? Even a normal brain would leap to the same horrific conclusions as Zhao Zhao would. I am so not gonna be [redacted] by these scum, then [redacted], only to finally end up as [redacted] doing [redacted]!

And now that I think about it, wasn’t little Jing the one they grabbed first?

Sure, I’ve never really gotten along with that rebellious brat, but that doesn’t mean I want anything awful to happen to her.

What if she’s already been dragged off by some greasy old perv with a syringe? “Ohohoho~ One little jab and you’ll be very compliant~” kind of nightmare drug?

...No, no. That’s too much. That sort of thing can’t actually happen... right?

I mean, technically, I’m the protagonist of a comedy novel, aren’t I?

Okay, maybe not a very funny one—but the genre does say comedy, right?

So there’s no way this story is going to go down the dark and pervy route... right?

Right!?

...Yeah, I really shouldn't be putting my hope in genre tags.

Help! Somebody help me! I want to scream, but my mouth’s gagged with cloth—I can’t make a sound.

And worst of all, the kidnappers are still on the move. I’m being carried somewhere, upstairs from the feel of it. But my head’s still bagged, so I have no clue where we even are now.

Wait a second… Something’s off. Why are four people carrying me?

Sure, I might be a bit... generously built, but I’m still light overall. Do they really need this many people? Or are they just all trying to cop a feel?

Also, these kidnappers are... weirdly soft? And I don’t mean personality-wise, I mean physically. I can smell cheap perfume too.

Wait—are they all women?

There’s a door opening—and the next thing I know, I’m tossed onto something soft. It’s springy. A sofa?

“Sis Lingmeng? You got caught too?”

It’s Jing’s voice—she sounds a bit shaken, but not hysterical. And since she recognized me, she must’ve had her mugging bag taken off already.

“Huh? You two know each other? Then that saves me a lot of explaination. Take the bag off, let me have a good look at what we have here.” said another voice—probably the boss. It was a woman’s voice, and strangely familiar. I feel like I’ve heard it before...

Someone follows the order and yanks the bag off my head. Light floods in. I can breathe again!

...Whoa, this place is huge. No windows though. Just some old couches and a low table. Judging from the gaudy ceiling light, I’d guess it’s the backroom of some abandoned shop that’s been turned into a squat by these punks.

The room’s full of girls dressed in black—some in flashy gyaru fashion, others in biker gang jackets. But if there’s one thing they all have in common...

Yup. They’re all pretty. Like, legitimately cute, at least fitting enough to be called bishoujo.

“You okay, sis?”

Jing’s hands are tied behind her too, so she can only awkwardly scoot closer to me.

We didn’t exactly part on the best terms at lunch, but now that she sees me, she still leans in. Honestly, for a thirteen-year-old, just not crying right now already shows guts. I mean, the aura in this room is intense.

My mouth’s still gagged, so I nod to reassure her. Honestly though, I’m this close to crying myself.

Then I finally got a good look at the woman sitting on the single-seat sofa—but she was frozen instead.

“[Redacted]—it’s you?!”

It’s her. One of the two in flower-print shirts who were tailing senior Changpu yesterday. The one who couldn’t stop eating. I think her name was... Sharo?

“You all really did bring me a massive headache, huh?”

Unlike yesterday, she’s now wearing an open black biker gang jacket, baring a white top underneath... Is that a tube top? Or bandages? Either way, she’s stacked, and her exposed collarbone and abs are weirdly hot.

For some bizarre reason, she’s wearing a super-short pleated black skirt under the jacket, which is so long it actually hides the skirt, making accidental flashes... unlikely?

She’s also got those poofy socks that gyarus love, paired with black leather shoes. Honestly, her outfit is such a mishmash it’s physically painful to look at. Someone get this girl a stylist!

That said, she is really pretty. Pulling off this kind of getup takes a certain kind of natural charm.

“You remember me, don’t you?” she asks, pressing a hand to her forehead like she’s got a migraine.

I nod. Then second-guess myself and shake my head.

“Don’t give me that crap! You clearly recognized me!”

She unties the cloth from my mouth—but leaves my hands bound.

“So what do you want from us?” I ask, voice a bit shaky.

She ignores the question, still scratching her head. “Ugh, this is such a pain. If I’d known yesterday this would happen, I wouldn’t have gone out with that idiot... If you’ve figured out we’re connected, then I can’t just let you walk free, y’know?”

She reaches over and brushes a finger down my cheek. It tickles.

“So, uh... what exactly do you want from us, sister?”

I tried again. She glares sideways at me.

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“I’m sixteen, damn it!”

“...So, uh, Sharo-chan?”

“Don’t you ‘-chan’ me, you [redacted]!”

What does she want, seriously?!

“Listen up. I’m the boss of the group that runs this area—Rakshasa. Yeah, and you probably heard my name already.”

So she’s this area’s version of Lei Laohu back then? A gang boss...

“‘Group’ as in... a bunch of thugs?” I say before I can stop myself—ow ow ow stop crushing my head!

“It’s a group, not a gang, dammit!”

You are the textbook definition of a gang leader!

But before I could say more, Jing’s eyes sparkle like she’s just met her anime idol. “Wow... you’re so cool!”

Ugh. Right. I forgot she’s in her rebellious phase. Of course she’s into the tough-girl look.

Sharo is clearly basking in the attention. She even pulls out a metal tin from under the coffee table.

“Hah, this kid’s got taste. You didn’t freak out at all, huh? Here—want a cookie? They taste great.”

She pops the lid and hand-feeds Jing a cookie... Wait, is she spoiling her now?

I mean, I get it, you’re still a girl and Jing is kind of adorable, but...

She notices me glaring and shoves a cookie into her own mouth. Then quickly seals the tin and puts it away.

“None for you.”

“I didn’t ask for one! Anyway, what do you want with us?!”

That’s the third time I’ve asked now. You're gonna answer, or what?

“We founded Rakshasa to protect the merchants of Tianping Commercial District from getting harassed by actual gangs. The cops are useless, so we decided to set up our own order. You can think of us as... heroes of justice.”

“Heroes of justice who kidnap people? Seriously?”

Ow ow ow my head again!

“We collect protection fees—but we actually protect the shops in our territory, okay?!”

“Okay but like, what does that have to do with—”

“Can you stop asking the same question?!”

“Then how about this—what’s the purpose of this... honored invitation?”

“That’s the same question with a bow on it!”

She rubs her temples, clearly done with me. Then suddenly flashes a bright smile, tossing her blunt bob hair and lifting my chin with her finger.

With her most sultry voice, she says:
“I just wanted to make friends with a beautiful girl like you, Lingmeng~ Wanna join Rakshasa and help us bring a new order to this city?”

...Okay, what is with this Bei Qiaojue imitation?

Sorry, not my type.

“No thanks.”