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I loved Ibuki. Ever since I was little, I’d dreamed of being with her someday. But maybe, somewhere along the way, that childhood dream had turned into something I wasn’t allowed to wish for anymore.

“Yukino? Getting sleepy?”
“No, not at all.”

I’d been spacing out in the gently rocking train, and Ibuki, sitting beside me, leaned over with a worried look. Even though it was a rare date with her, my thoughts were all tangled up—thanks to everything Onda had said to me—and now I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

Because I’d come to understand that wanting to stay by Ibuki’s side might become a burden on her work. Still, the selfish part of me couldn’t let go of that desire not to be apart from her, and in the end, I couldn’t say a word.

“I hope we get there soon.”
“Yeah. …Hopefully it’s not too crowded.”
“No way. It’s Christmas Eve, you know?”

The plan for today was to take the train to Yokohama, stroll through the Christmas market at the red-brick warehouses, enjoy a delicious dinner at the restaurant Ibuki had booked, and then stay the night at a famous hotel in Minatomirai. When I first heard about it, I was thrilled. We even talked about getting matching mugs. But now, my mood was firmly stuck in neutral. Like a manual car missing its gear shift, I just couldn’t seem to shift out of this state.

I’d been wavering since last night, and even now, I still hadn’t found an answer. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was—but I did know that I had to do something.

“Hey, Ibuki.”
“Yeah?”

There was one thing I needed to ask her—so I could make up my mind about what to do.

“Do you… enjoy your work right now?”
“Yeah. I really do. I think it’s my calling.”
“I see.”

So she liked her job. It was something she could keep doing happily. That’s what I wanted to know.

If it had been a job she was forcing herself to stick with—like mine—I could’ve told her to quit, even if it meant risking her career. I could’ve asked her to choose me instead, because even if she ended up unemployed, I’d work hard and support her. But if she loved what she was doing, if she took pride in it… then that was different. I couldn’t be the one to get in her way.

“That’s a weird question.”
“Is it? I think it’s pretty normal to take an interest in your childhood friend’s job.”
“Hmm… I guess that’s true?”

I hated this. I hated it so much, but maybe I really had ended up doing what Onda would have wanted me to.

Supporting Ibuki purely as her childhood friend, staying in that same familiar role—I figured that was probably the safest way forward, the option least likely to interfere with her work.

“Sigh…”
“Something’s definitely up, isn’t it? You’ve been looking down all morning.”
“I-I told you, it’s nothing…!”

I let out a big sigh, imagining a future where nothing ever changes. And of course, Ibuki, who only ever got this worried about me, noticed right away. But the way she worried—that was what damaged me the most.

“Oof, you flinched. That kinda hurts, you know.”
“W-What else was I supposed to do when you suddenly stuck your forehead against mine?!”

The moment I looked down and blinked, her face was right there, up close in front of me. Anyone would’ve been startled, even if it wasn’t the person they were trying to give up on. But this was the one I loved more than anything—of course I’d recoil.

“Well, you looked like you might have a fever.”
“You could’ve just felt my forehead with your hand…!”
“I’m wearing gloves, remember?”

She said that with a mischievous smirk, her fluffy gloves pressing in to sandwich my cheeks. Then she leaned in again, teasing me.

“Hmm, I think I can feel your cheeks heating up, even through the gloves.”
“It’s because I’m embarrassed…! People are watching, so stop!”
“Aww, if you say that, I guess I have to stop. Okay then—once we get off the train, I’ll mess with you some more.”
“Cut it out.”

When her face was that close, if I’d just leaned in even a tiny bit… I might’ve been able to kiss her and play it off as an accident… Just thinking something like that proved it. I hadn’t really given up on her at all.

I didn’t want to stop at just being childhood friends. I wanted more. But I had to give up. While my reason and my desire wrestled for control, reason had been on the verge of winning—until Ibuki’s little whims pushed it right back again.

“We’re here. Let’s get off.”
“Oh—yeah. Okay.”

Even though I was sulking one moment and blushing the next thanks to Ibuki’s teasing, the ever-punctual Japanese train arrived at our destination right on time. The moment Ibuki’s proposal was coming closer with every second. And once she made her move, no matter what, I’d have to say no. Because if I didn’t… I might end up taking away the job that she was so perfectly suited for—the one she called her true calling.

“Let’s have fun today!”
“…Yeah.”

I looked at her back as she smiled like an angel and led me off the train by the hand. Even though I knew I’d probably end up doing something today that went against what I really wanted… I already felt like I was about to cry.

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