Leave a comment

I’d always been good at controlling my emotions.

Because I was weaker than the other kids my age and often bedridden, my mom and dad gradually stopped smiling out of worry. I didn’t want to be a burden to them, so even when I was sad, I tried my best not to cry and instead smiled. And eventually, it became second nature to keep my feelings in check.

Whether I had a high fever, got injured, or even when the neighbor’s cat—who used to follow me around—passed away.

But when it came to Yukino, I couldn’t keep up the act anymore. Not that I’d ever been able to hide anything from her to begin with, but ever since we started living together, it had only gotten harder to control my heart around her.

I loved Yukino.

Ever since I realized that, every little thing she did would stir my feelings. Not that I hated it—in fact, it made me happy—but the way these feelings grew stronger by the day was starting to become overwhelming. If everything worked out and I could be with her, that’d be wonderful. But if she were to reject me when I confessed… I didn’t even want to imagine what would happen to me.

Unless I put these feelings into words, Yukino would never truly understand. Just showing it in my behavior wasn’t enough—she was too dense to pick up on something that subtle. If she had caught on even a little, I figured she’d at least act a bit more self-conscious. But in reality, Yukino was…

“Where’re you going, Ibuki?”
“Just to the bathroom.”
“No way! It’s already pitch dark outside! Don’t leave me alone!”
“We’re inside the house. What does outside have to do with anything…?”
“It matters! Ghosts come out at night, you know!?”

When Yukino said she wanted to watch me stream from up close, I’d been genuinely happy. Streaming was something I started thanks to her encouragement, and I thought maybe I’d get the chance to introduce her to my viewers. But choosing a horror game for the stream had been a huge mistake. I knew she didn’t like scary stuff, but I figured she’d be fine just watching from the side. So I went ahead and played like normal—and ended up giving birth to a giant baby.

Once the stream ended, she stuck to me like glue, completely unaware of the inner turmoil she was causing. And when I tried to go to the bathroom, she clung to me even harder. The loose-fitting loungewear she had on didn’t help either—depending on how she leaned, I could accidentally catch a glimpse of what was underneath. Honestly, I was on edge the entire time.

“Just let go—I’ll be right back.”
“No way. I’m not letting go.”
“Seriously… What are you gonna do if you need to go to the bathroom?”
“That’s… okay, fine…”

She finally seemed to understand once she imagined herself in my shoes. I did feel a little bad about leaving her while she was scared, but things were getting critical for me too. I really needed to go, so I hoped she’d let me off the hook.

“Alright, I’m going.”
“Wait, I’ll go with you.”
“…Excuse me?”

Just as I thought she’d finally let go, her hand reached back out and grabbed mine again.

“I’ll come with you to the bathroom.”
“Seriously…? Fine. But cover your ears, okay?”
“Okay.”

I could tell she wasn’t going to back down on this, so I gave in and led her to the bathroom. I really didn’t want her standing close enough to hear anything, but if she at least covered her ears, I’d just have to bear it.

“…Yukino-san?”
“What?”
“Don’t ‘what’ me. We’re here, so can you let go now?”
“Huh? No.”

Even after I opened the door to the bathroom, she showed no signs of releasing my hand. When I turned around, she was gripping my arm even tighter than before.

“You can’t just refuse like that. I can’t go if you don’t let go.”
“I’ll close my eyes and cover my ears!”
“That’s not really the point, is it?”
“But if you leave me alone in a dark hallway, that’s way worse!”
“…Then turn on the lights?”

I hadn’t even considered the possibility that she might want to come into the bathroom with me.

“Please, Ibuki. I’m scared to be alone. Just let me stay with you.”
“Ugh…”

I didn’t want to do this. No matter how much I loved her or trusted her more than anyone in the world, I really just wanted to be alone when I was in the bathroom. But there she was, clinging to me in the dim hallway, looking up at me with teary eyes, practically begging not to be left behind—and I couldn’t bring myself to say no.

“Ugh………Fine. Come with me for a second.”
“Where are we going?”

I gave up on trying to shake her off, even for a moment. But there was no way I was taking her into the bathroom with me like this without risking death from shyness—not unless I equipped some gear on her first.

“First, the cat-ear headphones. I’m going to blast music through them, so don’t take them off, okay?”
“Got it.”

I put the cat-ear headphones on Yukino—the ones I got from a listener giveaway but never actually used. They looked adorable on her.

“Next, this. An eye mask. Just a normal one, but make sure you wear it properly.”
“Okayyy.”

Back when I lived alone, I used to put this eye mask on when I had trouble falling asleep. But now, thanks to Yukino, my life had become so stable and routine that I didn’t need it anymore. So I gave it to her.

“All set. Is this good?”
“And now, one more thing. Put this on too.”
“What is it?”

I had blocked her hearing with the headphones, her vision with the eye mask. But one sense still remained—her sense of smell.

“It’s a dust mask.”
“Why do you even have that…?”
“Listener present.”
“That makes even less sense somehow…”

With the cat-ear headphones and a full-face dust mask covering the eye mask, Yukino now looked like some kind of post-apocalyptic mascot. Even for me, it was the first time seeing my childhood friend dressed like this. It was kind of funny.

“I can’t see anything, and I can’t hear either… Ibuki, are you still there?”
“Yes, yes, I’m right here. Okay, let’s gooo.”

Since she couldn’t hear the music-blasting headphones, I took her by the hand and guided her to the bathroom.

And then there we were—inside that tiny room. Me, with my pants down doing my business, and her, standing next to me looking like something out of a sci-fi wasteland, wearing a gas mask over cat-ear headphones. What even was this situation?

“Ibuki, are you done yet? Can I take this off?”
“Wait—not yet!!”

Obviously, she couldn’t hear me. As she started to move to take off the headphones, I panicked and quickly held her in place while I rushed to finish what I came to do.

When we finally came out of the bathroom together, a thought struck me. If she couldn’t see or hear anything in that state… couldn’t I have just left her outside and gone in alone? Why did I bring her in with me?

“Are we done? If we’re done, take all this stuff off.”
“…Ugh. You know what? I’m just not gonna think about it.”

It felt like I’d just been thoroughly humiliated, but I decided to let it go for now. I’d get her back for this someday—once the trauma of the horror game had faded a bit. With that silent vow, I started helping her out of her full-body sensory-blocking gear.

Support Us

Unlock Early Access ------- Select Project ------- Project Gender Bender Project Necro ∴ Support your favorite series and unlock chapters before the public release.