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Unlike in high school, the rooftop of the university building was open to students.

On the rooftop of the university’s first building, that’s where I found her, lounging on a bench.

“Amakawa.”

No response.

Amakawa lay sprawled out on the bench, a blanket draped over her face.

When I pulled it off, a frustratingly serene sleeping face was revealed. I pinched her finely shaped nose and covered her mouth.

Still, no reaction.

What, was she dead or something?

No, no. Of course not.

Just as I was mulling it over, her eyes opened.

“Good morning, Inazuki.”

She moved my hand aside and greeted me.

“It’s not ‘good morning.’ Why are you skipping class?”

Every Friday, Amakawa would ditch her classes and disappear somewhere. I’d been trying to find out where she went each time, and today I finally tracked her down.

Honestly, if she was going to skip, she shouldn’t even bother coming to school.

“With weather this nice, I’d lose out if I didn’t nap.”
“Did you come here just to sleep?”
“You’re not wrong. I score fine even without attending lectures, you know.”
“Ugh, that’s so annoying. What is with you, really?”

I sat at the edge of the bench. Amakawa rubbed her sleepy eyes and gazed up at the sky.

Lately, I’d been talking to her a lot, but she rarely met my gaze when we did. That only irritated me further.

Look over here, will you?

“Who knows. I don’t even know what I’m ‘really’ about,” she said, hoisting the school bag she’d been using as a pillow over her shoulder.

“Inazuki, why don’t you take a nap too?”

As she stood up, she muttered softly.

I scrambled to my feet as well.

“Where are you planning to go?”
“Somewhere quiet. Want to come?”
“…I will.”

I’d invested a lot of time in trailing her around just to annoy her. If I backed off now, it would defeat the purpose.

There’s no way I’m letting her keep dragging me around in circles.

Without looking back, I started to walk, following Amakawa’s figure as she strode ahead.

Apparently, “somewhere quiet” meant an aquarium.

She even had an annual pass, so while I was busy paying for my ticket, she’d already slipped inside.

She had no sense of teamwork, no thoughtfulness. I’d occasionally seen her chatting with friends at school, but was she this selfish even with them?

“Amakawa! Could you at least wait a little?”
“…Oh. Inazuki. Right, you’re here too.”

Could I punch her? Surely I could—she was being infuriating.

Just as I nearly raised my hand, Amakawa spoke.

“Sorry. I usually come here alone, so I didn’t think about it. Want to hold hands so I don’t leave you behind?”

Offering to hold hands—like we were kids or something.

But refusing felt like I’d be conceding defeat.

“…Fine. Let’s hold hands.”

She squeezed my hand tight when I took hers.

Her face looked unexpectedly gentle and serene.

What was that expression about? Seeing it made me go quiet. I wished she’d stop.

“Hey, look, Inazuki. A huge school of sardines.”
“Yeah, I see.”
“They’re interesting, aren’t they? Just instinctively circling around like that, all organized.”

Even as she commented, Amakawa’s face remained impassive.

She was like a doll, really.

Her hand was so cool that I doubted whether she was even alive. They say people with cold hands have warm hearts, but that had to be a lie.

There was no way someone as messed up as her could have a warm heart. I never understood what she was thinking.

But still, she was alive—that much was certain.

Her thin lips exhaled quiet breaths, and occasionally, her brown irises caught my reflection.

What was I doing here, anyway?

Skipping class to hang out with someone like her at the aquarium.

“Do you come here a lot?”
“Every week.”
“Alone?”
“Yeah.”

Amakawa gazed at the aquarium tank, her deep-sea-like eyes reflecting the fish as if they were swimming within them.

Watching her, I felt like I might drown myself.

“Isn’t that lonely? You have friends, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I do. But I need these moments of peace.”

Still watching the swirling sardines, Amakawa’s voice was barely a murmur.

Moments of peace.

Maybe I needed that too. To let go of my fears, my insecurities—everything about my anxious self.

“When I’m surrounded by noise, my heart only gets more restless. I need to dissolve into silence, to become nothing, or it feels suffocating. Don’t you feel like that sometimes, Inazuki?”
“I do…”

Lately, it felt like that all the time.

Fear, self-loathing. I’d be so much happier if I could live without it all. I knew it was all my own doing, but even so, fear was fear.

Yet, I still wanted to move forward.

My heart was a tangled mess.

To the point where I wished I could forget everything.

“Inazuki. Today, pretend I’m not here and explore however you like. It’ll calm your heart.”

Amakawa said this with an expression so blank I couldn’t tell if she was really looking at me or not.

Saying something like that out of nowhere… how was I supposed to respond?

I felt put on the spot, but I wasn’t about to let her have her way. Fine, if that’s how she wanted it, I’d wander all around the aquarium until she gave in.

I started walking, and I thought I saw a faint smile on her face.

True to her word, Amakawa said nothing.

Even as I circled the exhibits three times, spent over ten minutes just watching the seals, or squealed at the penguins, she remained silent. Gradually, I began to forget she was there, letting myself get lost in watching the sea creatures without a single thought.

Maybe she was right—I really did feel like I could empty my mind.

Watching these animals live on pure instinct, free of any concerns, I felt my heart drifting into a quiet sea.

It was peaceful, comforting, and even a little warm.

That’s when I noticed something.

Amakawa’s warmth had somehow melded seamlessly into me.

There was no resistance, no sense of something out of place. What was this? I didn’t understand, but having her next to me wasn’t unpleasant.

Well, it wasn’t as if we’d been talking, so there wasn’t anything to find unpleasant, anyway.

But somehow… I don’t know.

I felt at ease.

Sitting beside her, listening to her steady breaths while holding hands—it was natural, like she’d become a part of me, something familiar that fit effortlessly.

Ridiculous.

No way would this weirdo ever become a part of me. That was impossible.

It had to be.

“Amakawa. You can start talking again.”
“…Really? So, what’d you think of wandering the aquarium on your own?”
“I could see the appeal, but it didn’t feel like I was alone.”
“Then, you should come here on your own for real next time.”

Like I’d ever come to an aquarium by myself.

If Amakawa weren’t here, I never would’ve thought of walking around aimlessly to clear my mind in the first place.

…She was infuriating.

This was no good at all. In the end, I was still letting Amakawa drag me around, wasn’t I?

“I’m not going. I’m not some weirdo like you.”
“I see. That’s fine too, I think. But you look a lot more refreshed than usual, Inazuki.”

Honestly.

Why did she always have to hit me with such blunt remarks?

Did she have no sense of restraint, or shame, or anything like that?

“W-What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You look cuter right now. Try not to overthink things.”

Amakawa smiled.

What was that expression?

While I stood there, speechless, Amakawa let go of my hand and casually drifted off toward the exit. By the time I realized it, she’d vanished somewhere.

“…Ugh, seriously! What’s her deal?”

I didn’t understand her. Not at all. Why did she look at me like that?

She was weird, incomprehensible, utterly nonsensical.

Totally infuriating.

As much as I hated to admit it, Amakawa and I seemed to get along well. Neither of us seemed to get in each other’s way, and there was no awkwardness in being together.

It felt almost natural to have her by my side, to accept her presence, her warmth, her breathing. Not that I’d say the same about her baffling words and actions.

“Amakawa. Can we stop studying already and go somewhere?”

It was summer break now. Three months had passed since we met, and by then, we’d started hanging out regularly.

Today, we were studying in the school library. Or rather, I was forced into it. No matter what I said, Amakawa refused to stop studying, so I had no choice but to join her.

“No. I decided today is a study day. You can go if you want, Inazuki.”
“Oh, come on. Going alone would be pointless.”
“Then ask a friend.”
“I’m asking you!”

But honestly, why was I inviting her in the first place?

It’s not like we shared any particular hobbies. Being with her just didn’t feel out of place. But it wasn’t that I necessarily enjoyed hanging out with her, either.

If anything, she annoyed me more often than not.

She had this way of complimenting me with completely unfiltered words, and every time, it left me bewildered, throwing my heart into disarray.

I’d never met anyone like her before.

So, there was a tiny, very faint part of me that wanted to understand her a bit better.

But more than anything, it just felt unfair.

If I had to be this confused, Amakawa should feel the same way.

She should be just as flustered, embarrassed, and frustrated as I was.

“Amakawa—”

I glanced at her profile.

Her soft hair swayed in rhythm with her hand movements, and I twirled a strand of it around my finger. It was soft, pleasant to touch.

I thought it might finally fluster her, but she didn’t react at all.

Infuriating.

“Amakawa, you know, you’re kind of cute.”
“Inazuki, you’re cuter.”

Hit right back with the word “cute.”

What’s with her? What is this?

“Actually, I think you’ve been getting even cuter lately.”

Amakawa put down her pen and looked at me.

Those eyes—deep as the ocean.

Beautiful, a little intimidating, but with a pull that was almost hypnotic.

“You should keep that expression. I like it better.”

Like.

When was the last time someone said that to me? As a kid, I used to hear it all the time, but it had all but faded from my life.

It was unfair. Somehow, Amakawa could toss around words that people our age found hard to say without any trouble. But I couldn’t do it. There was no way I could look her in the eye and tell her I liked her.

No, that wasn’t it.

It’s not like I even liked her in the first place.

Sure, I’d found myself getting along with her, fitting so naturally into a new kind of relationship despite my growing fear of change. But that didn’t mean I liked her.

No way I’d like someone like this.

The way she’d casually blurt out these mortifying words, surprising me, confusing me, making me feel flushed—it would drive me crazy if I stayed around someone like her.

And yet, here I was, staying by her side.

“What do you mean, ‘that expression?”
“Like, a lively face. Fresh, beautiful…cute. You have great expressions, Inazuki. It’s not just the shape of your face; it’s the expressions you make that are cute.”

What was with this girl?

Seriously, what even.

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t know.”
“Right. But it’s better that way, I think. It’s happiest when you can make those expressions without even knowing it.”

Amakawa smiled.

It looked like a smile, but there was always something off about it.

Did she even have a “smile” function? It never looked like she was actually smiling. When I thought about it, I realized just how little I really knew about her.

“Alright, let’s go.”
“What?”

Amakawa suddenly stood up.

“When I think about it, this might be the last time I’ll be here with you, Inazuki. Let’s have some fun.”

She said it as if our time together was definitely ending today, like it was some set rule.

It was so irritating.

It’s not like we couldn’t be together tomorrow, or the day after that…or anytime after that, even.

I could… I could stick around with her if I felt like it.

“Don’t just decide that on your own.”
“Oh? Then, back to studying—”
“That’s not what I mean. No one said today would be the last time. We could still be together tomorrow.”
“…Haha, true.”

Amakawa chuckled, looking sleepy.

Frustrated, I grabbed her hand.

“Inazuki. I haven’t even put away my books.”
“I don’t care. If you lose them, you can just go pick them up as lost property later.”
“Well, okay then.”

Okay my foot.

Nothing was okay.

Why was it that being with Amakawa made me so irritated… and yet so at ease?

It made no sense. My heart felt warm, calm, and still, so unbelievably annoyed at the same time. I didn’t know what to call this feeling.

And that just made me more irritated.

Ugh, seriously.

She was so infuriating.

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