|Author: We Ain’t Not Fish||Original Source: SFACG||Word Count: 1845 characters|
|Translator: Silva||English Source: Re:Library||Word Count: 1207 words|
In this world, there were always some people like that, a salted fish who could only wait for death’s embrace. But due to some reason, they would be summoned to a parallel world, meet a beautiful goddess who would say this with a beaming smile, “Young hero~ I’ve finally met you. Your mission is to save this world. Come— and receive your cheats. It will instantly raise your level to 9999 and overtake the level 9000 final BOSS. Go— go and slay the Demon King. May my blessing be with you~”
Then after arriving in the otherworld, the most important person in the village would come up to him and say, “This is the greatest sword my village has to offer. You can kill with Demon King with this sword in one swing, but only a real hero can wield it. My intuition tells me that you are the one. Come, draw the sword and defeat the Demon King. I believe you can do it.”
And before departure, his childhood sweetheart would see him off with tears, “This is a safety charm I personally requested for you. It has a Damage Nullification self-BUFF. You must take good care of it. I will definitely wait for you to return, that’s why you must stay alive.”
Then the king would hold a grand feast for him and said with a benevolent smile, “I have decided to betroth my only daughter to you. What, you already have a fiancee? That’s not a problem, which hero doesn’t have at least three wives and four concubines? I even thought there are not enough. Oh, that chancellor over there. That’s right, I’m talking to you. I hear your daughter is devastatingly beautiful, and you have seventeen daughters at that, how about betrothing them to the hero together with mine?”
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And finally, after a series of hardships and dangerous adventures, he finally arrived before the Demon King, only to find that the Demon King was actually a big-breasted cutie. Therefore, he would first carry out lots of unspeakable S&M training on the Demon King before proceeding to brutally brainwash her, thus, adding her to the hero’s harem.
In the end, he would return to his village with innumerable harem members and live happily ever after.
At this point, I believe you guys should have already guessed the identity of that man…
That’s right, they are the legendary main characters!
Me, Kaoru, the ⓑⓔⓔⓟ— of ⓑⓔⓔⓟ— in my previous life. I have this world’s most ⓑⓔⓔⓟ— and ⓑⓔⓔⓟ—. Although I died from saving my beloved woman, I have successfully reincarnated. According to the pattern, I should have been the so-called main character.
But I recently realized, I might be a fake main character…
First, the goddesses I met were not affable and gentle at all. They were, in fact, two-faced phony, even their breasts were fake. They never gave me any incredible cheats, but took away ten of mine instead. They even took away my rights to immerse in my ⓑⓔⓔⓟ—.
I didn’t have any childhood sweetheart either. After I was born, all I found was a daughter-con of a mother who would challenge my bottom line with embarrassing clothes and a group of foolish clansmen who only knew how to show off.
And now, it was supposed to be an event where the most senior member of the village giving me the best sword in the village, but this so-called sword was only five freaking centimeters long…
It’s only five centimeters long y’know?! Even a potato peeler was longer than this.
The great ancestor said I will be able to restore this divine weapon to its former glory so long as I can find the fragments, but I have finally understood after being scammed for so many times, it won’t be that easy…
Not only does he not have a specific location in mind, but there is also no sensor that would go beep beep beep when you get close to the fragments…
And the most frightening thing is that the sword has shattered into hundreds of fragments. Even the Dragon Balls only have seven pieces y’know?!1
Just which ⓑⓐⓢⓣⓐⓡⓓ did you fight for seven days and seven nights straight?
“You moron, with thy body size, just a single fragment is enough,” the great ancestor expressed genuine disdain at my way of thinking.
That’s right! If you divide the remaining 199.95 meters by a hundred, each fragment would have an average length of two meters. With my 1.4 meters loli build, it would be enough even with just a meter.
But my intuition was telling me, it’s, not, that, easy!
The great ancestor must be concealing something very important from me.
He has a look as innocent as that of an alpaca in the middle of ⓡⓐⓟⓘⓝⓖ me, but if you tell me that there were no strings attached when someone as egotistical as him started to act innocent, I wouldn’t even believe it!
Seeing that I was looking at him doubtfully, the great ancestor coughed awkwardly and said indifferent, “Let us put that trivial matter to the side. We still haven’t got right down to business.”
“I will now present thou with my true inheritance.”
“T- true inheritance?” Don’t tell me it was that kind of inheritance you got from an old master who suddenly came up to you and said: Little guy, I see that you are quite tough. You must be a martial genius who only appears once in a hundred years. Our meeting must be fate. Just give me ten dollars and I will impart to you my lifetime’s techniques.
“That’s right,” the great ancestor suddenly opened his mouth, and a red liquid came out from the wide-open mouth. “This is the blood essence of my main body. All my lifetime’s magic knowledge has been contained in this. Not only that, but it can also purify your blood, increasing the purity and bringing you one step closer to the origin.”
“Is that so?” I looked at the dark red blood in front of me. Let’s put aside where he scooped out that drop of blood for now, this somehow felt fishy. Was dragon blood supposed to look like this? I seemed to recall mother’s blood being bright red. Could this blood essence be… long past its expiration date?
“Once the blood essence blends into thy system, thou shall be one step closer to thee dream of obtaining big breasts.”
It was unnatural, way to unnatural, the great ancestor seemed to be very concerned in regards to whether the blood essence would blend into my system or not. He was so concerned that if I refused, he might try to use a more forceful method.
‘Don’t tell me…’ I stared at the great ancestors with eyes as sharp as the knife, “Great ancestor, you…”
The great ancestor’s face gradually became more pensive.
“…aren’t trying to scam me again right?”
The great ancestor looked distracted for a moment, probably because I had hit the mark. Then he said with an expression as innocent as that of an alpaca, “How can that be? You are my cute little descendant~ How can I scam my own descendant?”