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In the end, we weren’t in a state of mind to continue with the flower study and the briefing about plants, so we returned straight back to the capital. Our excursion got interrupted so we’d be going on another one some other time, but the date for it was still not set.

As we returned to Cortina’s home, Finia was waiting for us with a hot bath and meal already prepared. It was a blessing that we could wash off our sweat and dive into food right away. I couldn’t thank her enough for her consideration.

I washed my body that had been drenched in water full of dust, grass juices and blood, and then had a meal in half-daze.

Cortina had snuck into my bath as usual, but after she realized that I wasn’t in my usual state, she promptly let go of me.

I finished my meal while dozing off here and there, and then immediately plopped down on my bed.

I walked quite the distance during the excursion, not to mention the matter of the Mountain Serpent. Moreover, I even crashed into a cliff, then into the river where I fainted; it was honestly one hell of a day.

My stamina was at its limit, and I couldn’t collect my thoughts properly as if my head was covered in mist.

During all that, the magnificent flower field I saw today floated up into my mind. It was a wondrous sight. I had to go there one more time. And then, flop into—

“Wait, stoooooop!”

Coming to my senses, I jumped up to my feet. Yeah, what the heck was I just thinking? Did I want to squeal and giggle in the flower fields? Gimme a break!

My goal is one and only one thing – to look heroic. Flowers and fluffy things have no place there. That’s how it should be, so how should I explain my recent behavior?

Letting Kabby ride on my head and enjoying the feeling, going on hunts with Michelle and Letina almost as if going on hiking, and even making merry in the flower fields like a little girl.

There’s clearly something wrong with my life choices here.

“Where did the harsh and stoic world covered in blood and iron go?”

Now that I think about it, I remember noticing that my senses were getting duller just before I left for the excursion.

Lack of training wasn’t at fault. This environment itself was dulling my sharp senses. Being protected by Cortina, taken care of by Finia, and surrounded by lovely friends. That in itself was not a bad thing.

“That said, I can’t exactly ditch them and set out on a journey to polish myself…”

Michelle, Letina, Cloud, Cortina, Finia… Or even Maxwell. There was no changing the fact that they were irreplaceable people for me. Giving them up wasn’t something I could ever do.

But at this rate, the thread of my tension would become too loose. I’ve been trying to keep it taut through hunts and battles until now, but those battles have been growing too lukewarm as of late.

“Do they have to be even riskier… Then again, I’m pretty sure they’ve been plenty risky though.”

The Mountain Serpent this time was one thing, but even fighting those kidnapper assassins had put me in a tough spot with a feeble body like this.

In the three years that I’ve spent here, there have been at least three occasions that put me at quite a risk. And yet, my tension keeps on loosening. Just what could be the cause…?

“If I were to compare difficulty, they were similar to the time before I teamed up with Lyell and others in my previous life. And yet, why do my skills only keep getting duller?”

I wondered while sitting on the bed with my arms folded.

In my previous life, before I joined up with the heroes, these kinds of fights were an everyday thing for me. But because I was able to breeze through them without breaking a sweat, my name held fame despite being an assassin.

And in present, I’m also going through similarly tough battles. Yet the situation is as stated.

“………I don’t get it.”

I crossed my legs and scratched my head, trying to arrive at the cause. If the quality of battles wasn’t the problem, then it had to do with my mental state, after all?

At the very least, someone who wants to make merry in the flower fields would never reach my ideal form.

“Hmm, where do I even start to approach this?”

Since I couldn’t understand the underlying cause, I couldn’t make countermeasures either. Perhaps it was too much for me to handle alone. Thinking about it, I’m someone who had undergone a sex change, and there’s no knowing if there’s anyone else like me in this world.

Who can I even consult about this mental change…

“There’s only Maxwell, huh?”

He had enough wisdom to master all kinds of Magic and experience from living so long he was considered old even in Elven terms. Betting on his knowledge and intellect that spanned from his experience was the only way left for me.

That old man’s been teasing me all the time as of late, but responds seriously to my earnest requests of consultation… Sometimes. Probably. He was pretty much my only supporter at this point, so there was no choice but to rely on him.

Now that I’ve decided, I should drop by him tomorrow if I can. Fortunately, tomorrow was a day-off since today was an excursion. I’ll go and visit him early tomorrow and have a nice and long talk.